Well, today was kind of poop.
As those of you who know me well know, I've been plagued with horrible nasty menstrual cramps since I was 13 years old. Anyways, I've had even worse cramps for the past few months to the point of fainting, barfing, and what feels like dying. Seriously, I should not be having such bad cramps that I pass out from sheer pain or have to lay in bed crying for two days.
So I had an ultrasound today. My uterous is fine and normal looking. There are no obvious signs of endometriosis and my IUD is placed appropriately, not embedded in the uterine wall (which is what I had feared). I do however have a pretty big cyst on my left ovary. Boo. Apparently, it's a complex cyst, which means that it has both fluid and tissue (as opposed to a simple cyst which is just fluid). The radiologist said that it appears to be a "functional" cyst, meaning that it is probably just a common thing that will probably go away on it's own, but that it might be a cystadenoma--a benign sort of tumor thing. The cyst is almost 6cm, which is fairly big (bigger than my actual ovary); laperoscopic surgery is often used to remove cysts over 5 cm.
So now I'm worrying about it. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it for the next three months, at which time they will do another ultrasound and see if it went away on its own or not. If so, hooray! If not, well, we shall see. Unfortunately, the doctor said that it is highly unlikely that the cyst is the culprit of my hideous cramps. So, not only is that mystery still unsolved, I just got something else to worry about.
One of my biggest fears is that I will, for some reason, be infertile, or that it will be a huge challenge to conceive. I have multiple dear friends that have been through and are going through that challenge and I do not envy them. Needless to say, when something goes wrong that has to do with my reproductive system, it puts me on edge.
Speaking of being on edge, Ricky and I have to speak in church on Sunday. I am absolutely dreading it. I have no motivation to put in the effort to write a talk and I feel like it's practically pointless to do so. Practically nobody at church even knows us at all, so it will be speaking very personally to a room full of strangers. I just don't feel like doing it. I don't feel supported there and I want to go home to Eugene right now, where people know me, love me, and think I'm great no matter what I say.
I am sure you're going to make all those people love you BECAUSE of what you say. And you will fill all their hearts with love and admiration. And, worst case scenario, since you aren't that invested in them you can pretty much say whatever you want. A discussion of polygamy and seer stones? Don't mind if I do!
ReplyDeleteI am sorry about the cystadenoma. I had a fibroadenoma (a benign fatty mass sort of thing) in my breast that had to be removed. Why not make it fun and name it? My roomie named my Sid. I saved the ultrasounds so I could share them with friends the way people do when they have babies.
Right now I'm having an internal battle about what direction to go with my talk, I actually have a lot that I want to say (much of it preachy in a enviro-feminist sort of way) but I'm having trouble collecting my thoughts and putting them together in a way that doesn't sound disjointed. I'll get it together, I just have a lot going on and can't seem to focus. Ah well, such is writing.
ReplyDeleteRicky already named it Reginald and has been putting his mouth up to my pelvis and telling it to kindly go away.