My 16 year old sister came to stay with me this week. We had a great time. On one of our hikes she told me about an experience she has at stake dance she went to on her birthday last month. The dance was on her birthday and she went with one of her close friends, hoping to have a great time. Ironically, she wore a dress that I bought for her. It was this completely cute vintage dress, floral print, boning, mid-calf length and strapless. She wore a wide-strapped tanktop under it and also wore a lace shrug over it, since tank-tops aren't allowed.
I saw photos of her before she went to the dance and she looked lovely and modest. She told me that when she arrived a male chaperone told her that her outfit was immodest because the lace shrug was see-through. She would either have to sift through a bag of extra clothes they had provided and fix the problem or go home. Fortunately she found a white shrug that wasn't hideous and wore it. Later on a female chaperone came by inspecting people and told her that she would need to make sure that her tank top was pulled up or she would have to wear this atrocious insert that went in the front of her shirt to make it more modest. She said she would moniter her shirt situation and would in no universe wear that insert. She ended up having a good time at the dance but was really unhappy with the modesty police.
My sister also told me about how at girl's camp this year and recently at church activities, leaders keep harping on them about being modest because they don't want to cause the young men to think impure thoughts.
I went on a long, feminist rant at that point and told her to ignore them all and tell them where to stuff it.
This whole thing is absurd on SO many levels I couldn't write them all down if I sat here all day. I am so tired of being told that I can't wear whatever feels comfortable for me. Women should be able to wear whatever they think is comfortable and that's that. If I see one more thing like this:
I'm going to flip. I'm especially disappointed that it is mainly women that are circulating things like this. First of all, who is setting these universal standards of modesty? Fire them! Do they seriously think that shorts that sit two inches above the knees are immodest? Or that a tank top is soooo revealing? I swear these standard setters would rather we all die of heat stroke than have a male notice that we have knees AND shoulders. Fire these people. If I want to wear a tank-top I bloody well will.
Second of all, things like the above are awful. Why would anyone intentionally try to diminish a woman's self-worth because of what they are wearing? This e-card is essentially saying that women who dress "immodestly" are only worth as much as manure. Is that the message we want to send to our young women? That their worth is decided by what they wear? I don't think so.
On the flip side, are men that pay attention to an "immodestly" dressed woman all pigs now? Isn't it possible that aside from her attire, they may think that woman is intelligent, funny, or sweet? Shouldn't we give men a bit more credit? This e-card, along with the "lessons" my sister is hearing at church activites are almost as offensive to men as they are to women. Women are not responsible for men's thoughts. Men are responsible for their own thoughts and more importantly, their actions. Heaven knows that women's bodies are generally more attractive than the hairy, often curveless figure of a man. I really don't think that women should be punished for that. It's just bodies! We all have them.
So people out there, stop telling women that they are walking pornography. Don't tell my little sisters that their worth is determined by their outfit choice. Focus on things that actually matter, like feeding and clothing the hungry and homeless, or doing habitat restoration, or working on not judging others.
Meije is reading this with me...She just said a total Meijeism. She said " next year we are not allowed to wear skinny jeans, Sheesh what do they want us to wear Bee costumes?"
ReplyDeleteI am now laughing out loud with her...(<:{
A clarification notice: She says she meant a beekeepers outfit... Just as funny. Complete with a smoker to keep boys away.
ReplyDeleteThat's terrible. I'm sorry. It is, indeed, ridiculous, and is the kind of thing that makes me hesitant to raise a kid in the church. No matter how much detoxing I do, kids are very literal. I know I was. When they told me alcohol was bad, I once ran home crying from the creek in the back yard because I found an ancient, empty, alcohol bottle out there. Seriously.
ReplyDeleteAnd that's not dealing with something as personal and sacred as your body. It's incredibly sexist and short sighted to say the least. Wouldn't these people rather have the youth COME and participate? To feel welcome and loved? Nope. Apparently not. You would get along great on the fmh facebook group. This topic and this horrible meme have been discussed pretty passionately.
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ReplyDeleteNice writing Lauren. Keep up the good work. Meije, sometimes people can't give up control, just for control's sake (especially of children and often of females). Knowing you, knowing your family, I can only imagine you looked lovely and not in the least immodest or inappropriate. And if you can't beat them, find a way to join them (on your terms). When my son was entering middle school, among the packet of information sent was a 2" by 2" square with the instructions that no logos, pictures, embelishments on shirts were not allowed if they didn't fit inside this 2" by 2" square. Clothing that had a repeated pattern, had a school logo or were deemed patriotic were allowed. I asked the principal about it and he said the policy had been voted on by parents before he came there, but apparently some kids had felt intimidated by some of the logos they were seeing in the hallway. I had always made sure that whatever my son wore to school was appropriate, so thought it was ridiculous, but went along (even though school shopping was a pain...."mom, can I get this skateboard t-shirt? Oh, logo too big"). By the way, the Nike logo, one of the most expensive t-shirts out there, fits into this 2" by 2" frame. My first "hmmm" was when a girl I know was sent home because her shirt had a lone appliqued heart that was bigger than two inches. My second "say what?" was when my son wore a shirt that simply said "Vote!" on election day and was told to turn it inside out (what's more patriotic than voting?) My third "you gotta be kidding" was when, as I dropped my son at school, we saw a boy walking into the building with complete Army cammo...shirt, pants, pants tucked into the Army boots, the whole works. Apparently this would fall under "repeated pattern" so was allowed. We looked at each other and I asked, "Do you think that is intimidating"? He nodded, yes (and it was scary looking). So that was that and I went to work. For Christmas my son got a ton of t-shirts with logos from his favorite bands, peace signs, skateboards, anything he was interested in that I made by downloading from the internet, shrinking down to 2" by 2", printing on special iron-on paper and ironing them on to new t-shirts. They looked terrific, were fun, he could show his interests and personality and still fit into the (very odd) parameters. So as I say, if you can't beat them.....bedazzle the heck out of the beekeepers outfit.
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