Somehow I thought that once we made it to Eugene everything would be great and nearly perfect. I thought we would see an immediate end to being so completely poor. I thought we'd be snug as bugs in our new little house full of furniture and decorations.
False.
I could not have been more wrong. My current attitude is admittedly sour, my demeanor resolutely dour. I am so glad we went on our trip to Hawaii, I would make the same decision again. Really as far as tropical, foreign-feeling vacations go it wasn't really that expensive. However, when you go on a graduate school budget it can really break the bank.
As it turns out, we are going to be really super poor for another three months or so. Luckily, thanks to generous Christmas donations from family members, we were able to buy a bed. Whew. So we have a bed, a couch, and a kitchen table. We don't have a microwave, a dresser, nightstands, a coffee table, tv stand, desk, etc. The list goes on and on. I know that I should be focusing on what we do have and I should be grateful that Ricky has a job. I am but I'm having a hard time.
Ricky starts work on Wednesday and will be busy learning how to do his new job. I'll be sitting at home in this lonely, empty house with nothing to do. Yes I can take Lucy on a walk or to the park. We have cable but there is never anything on. I'm looking for a job but I can't find one. We are too poor to join a gym, so I can't swim. We are too poor for me to take a ceramics class. It's the dead of winter so outdoor activities aren't at their most appealing.
What do I do? Stop feeling sorry for myself and pretend like the next three months are going to be great? I will sure try. When we moved to Seattle I was really lonely and depressed. I had our tiny apartment furnished and decorated within about three weeks though, so at least our home felt really cozy and friendly. I struggle with how much I am affected by my environment. I fear that the barrenness of this house will be a constant reminder of my lonliness and my struggle to adjust.
I know we will be fine, we'll make it, we'll look back on this with fondness, bleh, bleh, bleh. Sometimes I just want to feel how I feel without anyone telling me why I should feel differently. It's all a process. A crappy process.
Lauren, you have one super, uber cool, ammenity in this new house of yours... A Big Beautiful Fireplace. Teach yourself what you need to know about building fires, and start on your journey to a mood upswing, by warming the hearth. It will do wonders. I walked Julie at Minto yesterday. It was fairly chilly. We got into a flooded area, water sloshed over my boot top. BRRRR!!! I had my Darn Toughs on, and said to myself, "your all wet now, so what the hell" we just got wetter and muddier, and it was a great romp. Granted the sun was burning down in the open areas and that does have an affect on ones attitude in Willamette Wintertime. It will get better, and it will get worse.
ReplyDeleteHey Lauren,
ReplyDeleteI am also of the should be feeling happy but am currently not category. I have a beautiful baby, but breastfeeding is going to drive me insane. It shouldn't. I feel ungrateful and whiny. It's hard having no rhythm in life and be completely at the whims of someone else. Even if he is cute and amazing and I love him to pieces.
Let's hang out this week. It would be good for me to get away for a couple of hours. We can bitch about our good fortune free from judgment.
As for swimming, you can swim without membership at River Road rec center. It's like a couple of dollars per swim. We went to Willamalane wave pool before labor started and had THE BEST time. There's a lap pool there too. It was like $4.50/person. We went early for the lap pool and stayed until they started the wave pool. It was seriously awesome. It's not as good as a membership, but it might help you feel a bit better to get some exercise.
http://www.eugenecascadescoast.org/listings/index.cfm?action=display&listingID=6070&sr=1&menuID=251&hit=1
http://www.eugenecascadescoast.org/listings/index.cfm?action=display&listingID=6023&sr=1&menuID=251&hit=1
Dear Lauren,
ReplyDeleteChange is hard. I know many will try to talk you our of your feelings right now and reassure you that you have everything going on and so much to be grateful for... but I won't do that. :-) I do however think that what you are feeling will change, with time. A move is a big adjustment, give yourself time to feel what you feel, and then take the steps you need to in order to put your head in a more positive space. Eugene can be dreary in the winter, but if it wasn't for the grey and soggy days, then you wouldn't have the beautiful, sunshiny, euphoric first sun in the spring days. The kind of days that make people take their shirts off and throw a Frisbee. Those days are coming! Until then, I'm sending warm, yummy rays of good feelings your way!
Hannah
Loved spending time with you this evening! Having so much history to talk about makes my heart happy- being in a new place with friendships that only span about 5 years can make me feel disconnected from 75% of my life up to this point, so having you around is kind of, in a way, a taste of home
ReplyDeleteYou know that I work from home (most days) and spend a lot of time cozied up in my apt. You should find some projects (craftiness for your new home, or other things you've been wanting to try) and come join me! Any day, seriously. OR if you and Lucy are going on an adventure, I'm sure I could use some fresh air.
xoxo. Hang in there buddy!