Welp, I turned 24 last Thursday. We didn't make a big deal out of it, instead I chose to have a low-key day at home (after work of course). After work we went out in the yard and built our raised beds for gardening. They are both 4x6x1 and look really pretty; I'm excited to fill them with planties. When we finished that project we went and picked up a pizza from Mezza Luna, some cake from Sweet Life, and a movie from the Redbox. Sweet Life had an orange-infused cheesecake with dark chocolate cookie crust that I have been craving but haven't seen there in years--I got the last piece. We spent the rest of the evening lolling on the couch, eating, and watching the Hobbit. Overall it was a pretty nice day, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and everyone was nice to me.
As for the rest of my recent days, there have been some ups and downs--significantly more downs than I would like. Does anyone else have that sad song from Robin Hood going through their head "Sometimes ups, outnumber the downs...but not in Nottingham." My life is definitely not that bad but I've had some rough stuff lately. I'll start with the ups:
1) My grandparents visited from Idaho and it was fun to spend some time with them
2) I love my new job so far. I love all of the kids, despite some of their hideous behavior, and I get along really well with almost all of my co-workers,
3) Ricky surprised me yesterday by taking me up to Portland to go to Eat Mobile, a food truck festival. We met one of my long-time very best friends there, Kim, and gorged ourselves silly. It was AWESOME! This is actually the first time that Ricky has been able to plan a surprise for me that has actually been surprising (I always figure things out unintentionally), so he was really proud of himself.
Now for the cruddy stuff. I feel like numbered bullet points are too peppy for this paragraph so I'm just going to say it. I am so tired of being poor. I have a job now, but it doesn't pay very well. We have some money but we have to pay back a couple of loans. We are not going to be able to go to Europe this fall. We could probably make it happen if we only went for a week and a half and if we were really cheap while we were there. Doing it that way doesn't seem worth it to us. I want to be able to stay where I want, visit all of the museums that I want, and most importantly EAT what I want. We've decided to push our trip back until April--which is only 6 months from when we had intended to go but a whole year from now. By pushing back Europe we are also pushing back plans for a baby. This is the real kicker. Most of you know by now that I want a baby more than anything else. Pushing it back until a year from now feels devastating to me. You might ask "If you really wanted a baby that badly, wouldn't you put that in front of a trip to Europe?" In which case I would retort that I have heard too many young parents say that they wish they would have done more/traveled more as a couple before having kids. I don't want to regret not making an amazing memory with my husband. I require a final hoorah before our lives change forever. I know that I am warring with myself about this whole thing but it really has been very hard anyways. Huge bummer.
To top it off, I went to a new gynocologist on Friday. I plan on having this be the man who helps deliver my future child so it was good to start seeing him now. The unfortunate bit is that there is definitely something going on with my idotic uterus. He thinks it's endometriosis or another cyst problem or some chronic inflammatory thing. I'm going to have to have these $400 shots that shut down my hormones in order to be able to tell whether or not it is endometriosis. Next step after that is surgery. I hate, HATE drugs that alter my hormones. I have enough trouble coping with my naturally occuring hormones and at least those are my own. I am scared to death that something is going to be seriously wrong with me and that it may cause us to have fertility problems. I worry about it approximately once every 3 thoughts. The doctor said that the best thing I could do for my body right now, biologically speaking, would be to get pregnant. Great, because that really helps the way I'm already feeling right now...not. I've got myself all in a fuss about this whole thing. I'm feeling moody and depressed and super sensitive. Also, I sort of cannot be around pregnant people right now--sorry if you are my pregnant friend or family member. It's not you, it's me. Your fertility makes it nearly impossible for me to push the thoughts of my barren uterus out of my mind.
So that's that. I won't be pregnant in 7 months, like I had hoped and I also won't be traveling around Europe to distract myself. Boo. Whine, whine, whine. I'm just going to have to find some ingenious ways of distracting myself until next April. I'm taking suggestions.
I wish I were in Hawaii with Leah Banick right now...
