Oats, peas, beans, and barley grow
Oats, peas, beans, and barley grow
Do you or I or anyone know
How oats, peas, beans, or barley grow?
When I was in elementary school I thought that this was by far the MOST irritating song ever to be invented. A great friend and I would, upon hearing it, plug our ears and moan and groan. Even now if one or the other of us sings even a few notes of it to the other we laugh and say "no, no, no!"
Oddly enough I ended up choosing a course of study in a field that ties in very closely with how plants grow, and where, and when. I have been yearning for a garden of my own for several years now and although Seattle has dealt me a few disappointing cards so far, it did turn over a bit of Earth for me to steward.
Yesterday I went out to the garden and started to work. It was brisk to say the least, the sun was shining, the sky was brilliantly clear, and it was as cold as hell (hell to me would be cold, I suffer in cold). Dressed in my puffy down coat, sweatpants, Toms, and my new pink gardening gloves I weeded until I was sure I had eradicated those nasty buggers. I then proceeded to plant tulips, hyacinths, and daffodils. Since it isn't veggie season (at least not of any veggie I like) I thought that I could at least plant some flowers. I dug each hole with care, sprinkled in some fertilizer (chicken poo from our neighbors coop), gently placed the bulb in, and covered it over with soil. I had been having a lame and irksome week that was not turning out how I had planned but this activity provided a way for me to feel grounded, rooted if you will, for the first time in 6 weeks. As I gently avoided Wormy Wormington and Wormina Wormwood with my spade I felt connected to the earth and the process of growth and renewal. I talked to the bulbs as I placed them in the ground and encouraged them to weather the winter and grow in the spring. I hoped and wished for each new bulb and I simultaneously wished the same wish for myself each time. I know that I will get to the point of thriving, but first I have to just hold on until the stormy weather passes over me.
I know how oats, peas, beans, and barley grow. They grow with water, soil, sunshine, and worms. But they also grow with hope, prayerfulness, faith, and roots that reach down into the earth with strength and humility.
For my Leah.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Self-esteem
Self-esteem is a funny and complicated thing. I have never really thought very much about self-esteem before and I am realizing that I never gave it much thought because I have always had fairly high self-esteem. Unfortunately as of late, I have felt my self-esteem take a dive into the depths of lowness. The way a person thinks about her/himself is of course based on many different internal and external factors. Among these are the way one percieves her/himself physically and mentally, whether or not one feels as if they are contributing to society, whether or not one is happy with her/his environment, family, financial situation, career, etc. Self-esteem may also be partially comprised of how a person thinks they are percieved by others, as well as whether or not they feel supported by their friends and family members.
My current dilemma is tangled up in several of the aformentioned criteria. I have stopped being a student for the first time since preschool, I am therefore having a difficult time trying to continue expanding my knowledge on my own. I'm feeling as if I will become stagnant because I am no longer stuffing my brain full of literature and lectures on a daily basis. I am unemployed. I am in a new city, one that I find thoroughly overwhelming, I feel rootless and purposeless. I haven't found a way to use the degree I just earned and instead sit around and play housewife (which I mostly hate). Although I know it is untrue I feel that every job I apply for and don't get is somehow a rejection of the whole me, instead of just my skills or experiences (is there a difference?). My friends are all far away being friends with each other and doing fun friend things. I feel lonely and out of touch with any social scene. I feel like every new person I meet can tell that I don't really belong here and that I don't actually want to be here at all. This lonliness has in turn, fueled my cookie-baking/eating habits which is making it really difficult to lose the 10lbs that I've gained since our wedding. Of course I don't think I'm totally fat or anything, but I feel too fat for me and I don't like it at all. I then feel guilty and mad every time I eat cookies or cake when ideally those things should comfort me! Ugh.
This whole post seems whiny and lame but it's how I've been feeling for a month. People keep telling me to just put myself out there and to volunteer until I find a job, but I don't really feel like it. Having low self-esteem has put me in an over-all grumpy disposition to the point of not really wanting to do anything. It feels like I've hit a road block and can't move on. It's possible that I am rejecting and pushing away every new thing here in Seattle because I'm afraid of being wounded or abandoned by something. I haven't quite figured myself out yet. I feel a bit like an animal that has been faced with things it's afraid of and has backed itself into a corner, instead of embracing the fears in front of me I attack them without really assessing whether or not they are actually bad. Whine whine whine, I need to get over it.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
CHRISTians
Today's post brought to you by the letters "I" and "C."
"I" is the first letter of the word "ignorant." Ignorant is a word often used to describe people who act or speak foolishly due to a lack of knowledge or understanding.
The word "cult" begins with the letter "C." Cult is a word used to describe a religious group that is in its infancy, whose numbers are small, and whose beliefs and practices are uncommon.
The common definition of a cult as a strange or sinister religion, defying social norms and mores is incorrect (incomplete at the very least) and quite ignorant. News flash! All religions began as cults. When each religion began it was a cult, religions begin as cults and progress through various stages until they are able to be defined as major religions.
The aforementioned statements are the beginning of a small rant set off by a news article entitled Romney's Mormonism in focus at political meeting. The article describes a political debate at which Mormonism was described as a cult and Mormons themselves called un-Christian.
Let me first say that I will definitely not be voting for Mitt Romney, nor will I be voting for any of the republican candidates. I am a moderate liberal through and through and would sincerely hate to see this country have an LDS president for reasons which I can disclose at another time. My real problem with what was said in this article is the way Romney's religion (my religion) was attacked by "Christians."
1) Mormonism is not a cult. Mormons make up more than 14,000,000 people worldwide and constitute approximately 3% of the United States population equal to Jews, and more than both Buddhists and Muslims. The LDS Church was founded more than 150 years ago. Mormonism is not a cult.
2) Pray, tell me what it is about a church entitled "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints" says "we aren't Christian." The name of the church has Jesus Christ in the title! The First Presbyterian Church, First Baptist Church, and United Methodist Church all claim to be under the umbrella of Christianity but I don't see the Lord's name in their titles.
Unfortunately this is not the first time I have encountered these oh-so-misinformed viewpoints. Salem, OR has seen the birth of many a mainstream Christian. Growing up there was fine, I had several LDS friends to keep me company and had many non-LDS friends as well. However as high school and college progressed some of these non-LDS friends decided that the Mormons were no longer good friend material and either needed ditching or saving. Even writing that word "saving" makes me want to vomit. I will never believe that all one must do to recieve eternal glory is to say "I believe in Jesus Christ." I can't and won't accept the simplicity and silliness of it all. Sorry, that was a sidetrack. Anyhow, here are some things I uh, learned from these friends:
1) Mormons don't believe in the true God. The God that Mormons believe in is a false God and couldn't possibly be the same one that other Christians believe in. I don't really know the reasoning for this.
2) Mormons aren't Christian. I'm not sure if this is because we believe that the Godhead consists of 3 separate beings or what.
3) Mormons are sorely mislead and are definitely going to Hell.
It truly was a shock to find that my lifelong convictions were so terribly ill-founded, however I soon got over it. My response to many of these accusations is that if I have said that I believe in Jesus Christ and that He is my savior, how is it that I can still be going to Hell? If an axe murderer can, with his dying breath say, "I believe in Jesus Christ!" and be saved, why does my particular denomination of Christianity sentence me to eternal damnation?
What I find even more repulsing is the way this false information is spread. Many, many Christian churches have entire sermons and sunday-school lessons devoted to anti-Mormonism. I can't imagine why they would want to spend their time criticizing Mormons when they are supposedly gathering to learn more about the alleged gospel. Why don't they spend their time building up their faith instead of trying to tear ours down? We do not ever criticize other religions during our meetings! I personally love learning about other religious and spiritual beliefs. Many religions have beautiful and true aspects to them that we would all do well to adopt.
The only answer I can think of to explain their behavior is fear. They are afraid of what we teach either because they are truly un-Christlike and connot accept that there can be a diversity of belief systems, or because they fear, on some level that we may be right.
I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
I know who I am, I know God's plan
I'll follow Him in faith
I believe in my Savior Jesus Christ
I'll honor His name
I'll do what is right
I'll follow His light
His truth I will proclaim
Thank you to all of my non-LDS friends who have never made me feel like I am an un-Christian heathen.
"I" is the first letter of the word "ignorant." Ignorant is a word often used to describe people who act or speak foolishly due to a lack of knowledge or understanding.
The word "cult" begins with the letter "C." Cult is a word used to describe a religious group that is in its infancy, whose numbers are small, and whose beliefs and practices are uncommon.
The common definition of a cult as a strange or sinister religion, defying social norms and mores is incorrect (incomplete at the very least) and quite ignorant. News flash! All religions began as cults. When each religion began it was a cult, religions begin as cults and progress through various stages until they are able to be defined as major religions.
The aforementioned statements are the beginning of a small rant set off by a news article entitled Romney's Mormonism in focus at political meeting. The article describes a political debate at which Mormonism was described as a cult and Mormons themselves called un-Christian.
Let me first say that I will definitely not be voting for Mitt Romney, nor will I be voting for any of the republican candidates. I am a moderate liberal through and through and would sincerely hate to see this country have an LDS president for reasons which I can disclose at another time. My real problem with what was said in this article is the way Romney's religion (my religion) was attacked by "Christians."
1) Mormonism is not a cult. Mormons make up more than 14,000,000 people worldwide and constitute approximately 3% of the United States population equal to Jews, and more than both Buddhists and Muslims. The LDS Church was founded more than 150 years ago. Mormonism is not a cult.
2) Pray, tell me what it is about a church entitled "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints" says "we aren't Christian." The name of the church has Jesus Christ in the title! The First Presbyterian Church, First Baptist Church, and United Methodist Church all claim to be under the umbrella of Christianity but I don't see the Lord's name in their titles.
Unfortunately this is not the first time I have encountered these oh-so-misinformed viewpoints. Salem, OR has seen the birth of many a mainstream Christian. Growing up there was fine, I had several LDS friends to keep me company and had many non-LDS friends as well. However as high school and college progressed some of these non-LDS friends decided that the Mormons were no longer good friend material and either needed ditching or saving. Even writing that word "saving" makes me want to vomit. I will never believe that all one must do to recieve eternal glory is to say "I believe in Jesus Christ." I can't and won't accept the simplicity and silliness of it all. Sorry, that was a sidetrack. Anyhow, here are some things I uh, learned from these friends:
1) Mormons don't believe in the true God. The God that Mormons believe in is a false God and couldn't possibly be the same one that other Christians believe in. I don't really know the reasoning for this.
2) Mormons aren't Christian. I'm not sure if this is because we believe that the Godhead consists of 3 separate beings or what.
3) Mormons are sorely mislead and are definitely going to Hell.
It truly was a shock to find that my lifelong convictions were so terribly ill-founded, however I soon got over it. My response to many of these accusations is that if I have said that I believe in Jesus Christ and that He is my savior, how is it that I can still be going to Hell? If an axe murderer can, with his dying breath say, "I believe in Jesus Christ!" and be saved, why does my particular denomination of Christianity sentence me to eternal damnation?
What I find even more repulsing is the way this false information is spread. Many, many Christian churches have entire sermons and sunday-school lessons devoted to anti-Mormonism. I can't imagine why they would want to spend their time criticizing Mormons when they are supposedly gathering to learn more about the alleged gospel. Why don't they spend their time building up their faith instead of trying to tear ours down? We do not ever criticize other religions during our meetings! I personally love learning about other religious and spiritual beliefs. Many religions have beautiful and true aspects to them that we would all do well to adopt.
The only answer I can think of to explain their behavior is fear. They are afraid of what we teach either because they are truly un-Christlike and connot accept that there can be a diversity of belief systems, or because they fear, on some level that we may be right.
I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
I know who I am, I know God's plan
I'll follow Him in faith
I believe in my Savior Jesus Christ
I'll honor His name
I'll do what is right
I'll follow His light
His truth I will proclaim
Thank you to all of my non-LDS friends who have never made me feel like I am an un-Christian heathen.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Live
Since our recent move to Seattle I have been mulling over the idea of living in a place and what that really means. My ponderings began about a week after we arrived here when Ricky said to me, "I think we should really try to live in Seattle, not just go about doing the same things we always do despite the fact that we are in a new and exciting place." This statement sounded odd as it rang in my ears. My initial reaction was mixed, part of me wanted to scream and say no! I will not! Even then I knew how deep my loyalties to Eugene ran. The other part of me complacently thought he was right. Maybe we should take the bull by the horns and face this new place head on. A little part of me does in fact want to experience this city and explore, but I want to do it as a visitor, not a resident. It seems to be that now that we've moved we are Seattle residents but do we really live in Seattle? If I'm being honest, I'd have to say no, we don't.
All of our stuff is in Seattle, we sleep here, eat here, pay sales tax (ugh), and recieve mail at this address. When I re-register to vote I will have to register in Washington (I will still vote for Obama). But, we don't really live here. I have come to the realization that you can't really live in a place when your heart isn't there and when you find yourself constantly pining for another place (other than Disneyland).
During my sophomore year of college I took a class (my favorite class that I ever took) entitled Religion and Ecology. My teacher, John Baumann, artfully began the first class by asking us all to share with the class what we felt our "place" was. For many people their "place" was somewhere outside of Eugene, despite the fact that we were all sitting in a classroom in Eugene. Some people named the place they were born or raised, the place where their families were, the location they were in during a significant time in their lives, and some even named a place that they wished they could go. As a young 20 year old whose only physical move on the map had been from Salem to Eugene, I only scratched the surface of comprehension into the deep meaning of this excercise.
I can confidently tell you now that my place, if I have to choose one, is Eugene. Someone might say to me "shouldn't your heart be where your husband is?" To them I would respond saying yes, it should be, however I know that his heart is also in Eugene, so in that our hearts are together, wishing ourselves to where we truly want to be.
Eugene is my place for many reasons of which I will name a few: many of my closest friends reside in Eugene and Eugene is only an hour away from Salem--an hour away from my family. I like being an hour away from my family. Sixty miles is short enough to travel for sibling's band and choir concerts, for major and minor holidays, and for whatever reason I see fit, but it is far enough away that we have sufficient independence. Eugene is green! I love the Willamette Valley more than any place on earth, the fertile valley with rivers and hills is both enchanting and sustaining. I love my Ducks. I love our football team, but more importantly I cherish the sense of community I feel during football season. I love walking into the grocery store and seeing 80% of the people there all wearing their Duck gear; this is an easily recognizable, physical representation that we all have something in common. Finally, Eugene is really where I became myself. It is the place where I made big decisions about who I would be, what I would stand for, and what my purpose was in the world.
Admittedly, there are other places that hold pieces of my (metaphorical) heart. Salem will always hold a piece of my heart, the piece that contains my childhood. Another piece resides in Yellowstone National Park, a place of sublime beauty that I find very special. There are other little pieces that have attached themselves to distant relatives and far off friends. These pieces travel around with the people that I love and exist where they are. Despite all of this, my place is Eugene. Eugene is where I truly feel at home and where my soul feels at peace.
Where is your place? Do you know?
All of our stuff is in Seattle, we sleep here, eat here, pay sales tax (ugh), and recieve mail at this address. When I re-register to vote I will have to register in Washington (I will still vote for Obama). But, we don't really live here. I have come to the realization that you can't really live in a place when your heart isn't there and when you find yourself constantly pining for another place (other than Disneyland).
During my sophomore year of college I took a class (my favorite class that I ever took) entitled Religion and Ecology. My teacher, John Baumann, artfully began the first class by asking us all to share with the class what we felt our "place" was. For many people their "place" was somewhere outside of Eugene, despite the fact that we were all sitting in a classroom in Eugene. Some people named the place they were born or raised, the place where their families were, the location they were in during a significant time in their lives, and some even named a place that they wished they could go. As a young 20 year old whose only physical move on the map had been from Salem to Eugene, I only scratched the surface of comprehension into the deep meaning of this excercise.
I can confidently tell you now that my place, if I have to choose one, is Eugene. Someone might say to me "shouldn't your heart be where your husband is?" To them I would respond saying yes, it should be, however I know that his heart is also in Eugene, so in that our hearts are together, wishing ourselves to where we truly want to be.
Eugene is my place for many reasons of which I will name a few: many of my closest friends reside in Eugene and Eugene is only an hour away from Salem--an hour away from my family. I like being an hour away from my family. Sixty miles is short enough to travel for sibling's band and choir concerts, for major and minor holidays, and for whatever reason I see fit, but it is far enough away that we have sufficient independence. Eugene is green! I love the Willamette Valley more than any place on earth, the fertile valley with rivers and hills is both enchanting and sustaining. I love my Ducks. I love our football team, but more importantly I cherish the sense of community I feel during football season. I love walking into the grocery store and seeing 80% of the people there all wearing their Duck gear; this is an easily recognizable, physical representation that we all have something in common. Finally, Eugene is really where I became myself. It is the place where I made big decisions about who I would be, what I would stand for, and what my purpose was in the world.
Admittedly, there are other places that hold pieces of my (metaphorical) heart. Salem will always hold a piece of my heart, the piece that contains my childhood. Another piece resides in Yellowstone National Park, a place of sublime beauty that I find very special. There are other little pieces that have attached themselves to distant relatives and far off friends. These pieces travel around with the people that I love and exist where they are. Despite all of this, my place is Eugene. Eugene is where I truly feel at home and where my soul feels at peace.
Where is your place? Do you know?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)