Well shoot.

It's looking like I do have endometriosis. After getting my $400 shot in the ass at the beginning of the month I didn't see any change in my cramps (other than my sore butt cheek). I was still having cramps at least one or two days every week. Now it has been an entire week where I haven't had any cramps at all. The medicine is working. That's great, right? Well sort of. While I am pain free and my uterus isn't sticking out like a pregnant lady's, that means that I almost certainly do have endometriosis. I just talked to my doctor and he said that we should do another shot again next month just to be sure.

I'm glad that we probably won't have to do surgery to figure out what's wrong with me but I don't want to have endometriosis. Nearly every time I tell someone about my situation they say things like, "Oh, I know such and such a person who had endometriosis and they tried to get pregnant for like 15 years and couldn't." GREAT. Thanks for that charming piece of uplifting commentary! Can you not tell that I'm a fragile wreck right now and that the worst thing you could possibly do is to suggest that my fertility might be compromised? DUH.

A kid in my classroom has a really funny voice that sounds sort of like a robot. I often overhear him saying very amusing things, one of them being, "I'm just about sick of this." He is a tiny little boy with glasses and giant eyes that he loves to roll. I feel like mimicing him today--I'm just about sick of this.

When I had my OBGYN on the phone I told him that I was worrying a lot about my ability to concieve, especially because of what people have been saying. I said flat out, "please assure me right now." He did so, saying that lots of people have endometriosis and don't even know it and have no trouble getting pregnant at all. About 1/4 of women with endometriosis have increased chance of having a hard time conceiving. He sounded really confident and told me I did not need to worry. But I still am. Worry, worry, worry, and fret. It's totally not helpful that my cousin (who is exactly my age) had her first baby today. I can't embrace other people's fertility right now. All I want to do is curl up into a ball and scream into my pillow. Not even cookies are helping. At least The Bachelorette is starting up this week to distract me.