A Mish-mash

I began this blog with a rant. I had originally intended for this blog to be a place for me to go on little rants about the things that puzzle or bother me in life. However, after that rant, I didn't have anything that I felt like ranting about (in public) for a while so the whole thing fell by the wayside. After two months of contemplation I decided that this needs to just be a blog where I can rant if I want to, or express whatever overflow of emotion I'm having or even write about food. It's a mish-mash blog.

Thus being said, today I am feeling miserable and overwhelmed. I understand that miserable is a loaded term and that I've always been one for hyperboles, but that's how I'm feeling in Laurenland. We are moving to Seattle. We have to move there sometime between tomorrow and next Thursday. The imminence of this move has hovered over us for many months and it is finally here. Seattle is a beautiful city, don't get me wrong. I'm so glad we are moving there instead of somewhere less aesthetically pleasing like LA or Utah. Seattle is also REALLY expensive. Hubby and I have made three trips to Seattle in the past month and have yet to find anywhere to live. Our two main problems are 1) everywhere wants to charge (at the minimum) $900 to live in a one bedroom apartment 2) we haven't found jobs there yet and nobody will rent to us until we have definite income for when we get there. The major issue with these two problems is that it's really hard to find work in a city in which you do not live and have no connections. We have to be out of our current apartment in 12 days.

What's worse about this whole situation is that I was dreading moving even before all of these problems arose. I am a very social creature and am scared to death to be moving to a city where I have no friends or family. I am SO tired of hearing "everything will work out, you'll be fine," and "you'll make friends when you get there!" Here's the thing: I had a group of amazing friends in high school. I love those friends and have stayed very close to many of them. Unfortunately, after high school we were scattered to the four winds to go to our respective universities. In Eugene I had to make new friends, it took me three years to find them, but I have them now and I LOVE them. The thought of having to make more new friends sounds exhausting and frankly, I just don't want to. Why should I have to get new friends? I like the friends I have now, that's why they're my friends! Even if I made new friends, I would always be comparing them to my Eugene friends (which I will always love better). Additionally, I have this immature fear that when we move my friends will replace me. They will make new friends that they will do all of the same stuff with and have more fun with and like better. When I think about it rationally I know that this is probably not true but I can't convince my irrational, weeping heart to feel that way. I'm jealous that all of my friends get to keep being near each other and doing friends stuff. I want to do friends stuff too! I also don't want to hear "Seattle is not that far away," It's not that far in the grand scheme of things but it is far enough. Far enough to put a serious damper on our quadruple-weekly meals together.

Lastly, I love my Ducks. I am a person who doesn't particularly care to watch sports. However, since I moved to Eugene four years ago, my love for my football team has grown immensely. I am very invested in how the do (which is funny to think about--why be so invested in something that I have no control over?) and I will desperately miss the sense of community that exists on game days in Eugene. Ever since January's National Championship I have been waiting and waiting for football season to begin again. It is something I can look forward to almost every week for all of autumn. Today was the Ducks first preseason game against LSU. It was a horrible game. We had 4 turnovers, hideous mistakes, bad calls, and inumerable penalties. What the freak? We lost 33-20 and it was mostly our own fault. As Chip Kelly said, we were "shooting ourselves in the foot" over and over and over. I was really hoping for the little pick-me-up this game would give me and I didn't get it. Boo.

Over and out.