Well shoot.

It's looking like I do have endometriosis. After getting my $400 shot in the ass at the beginning of the month I didn't see any change in my cramps (other than my sore butt cheek). I was still having cramps at least one or two days every week. Now it has been an entire week where I haven't had any cramps at all. The medicine is working. That's great, right? Well sort of. While I am pain free and my uterus isn't sticking out like a pregnant lady's, that means that I almost certainly do have endometriosis. I just talked to my doctor and he said that we should do another shot again next month just to be sure.

I'm glad that we probably won't have to do surgery to figure out what's wrong with me but I don't want to have endometriosis. Nearly every time I tell someone about my situation they say things like, "Oh, I know such and such a person who had endometriosis and they tried to get pregnant for like 15 years and couldn't." GREAT. Thanks for that charming piece of uplifting commentary! Can you not tell that I'm a fragile wreck right now and that the worst thing you could possibly do is to suggest that my fertility might be compromised? DUH.

A kid in my classroom has a really funny voice that sounds sort of like a robot. I often overhear him saying very amusing things, one of them being, "I'm just about sick of this." He is a tiny little boy with glasses and giant eyes that he loves to roll. I feel like mimicing him today--I'm just about sick of this.

When I had my OBGYN on the phone I told him that I was worrying a lot about my ability to concieve, especially because of what people have been saying. I said flat out, "please assure me right now." He did so, saying that lots of people have endometriosis and don't even know it and have no trouble getting pregnant at all. About 1/4 of women with endometriosis have increased chance of having a hard time conceiving. He sounded really confident and told me I did not need to worry. But I still am. Worry, worry, worry, and fret. It's totally not helpful that my cousin (who is exactly my age) had her first baby today. I can't embrace other people's fertility right now. All I want to do is curl up into a ball and scream into my pillow. Not even cookies are helping. At least The Bachelorette is starting up this week to distract me.

How Does Your Garden Grow?

'Tis the season for getting your garden started. Our rented backyard is pretty darn big but only had grass growing in it. Seriously, no shrub nor tree to be found. We talked a lot about how much, if any we wanted to do with it. It costs money to put in raised beds and buy soil and plant starts. In the end we decided on putting in two 4x6 beds, with lavender growing in between them. They turned out to be pretty spiffy if I do say so myself. I also put two old Lucerne crates out there to grow herbs in.

So far we are going to be up to our ears in red potatoes, yukon gold potatoes, swiss chard, romaine, spring mix, strawberries, snap peas, beans, carrots, tomatoes, chives, scallions, thyme, rosemary, cilantro, peppers, and corn.

This was our first miniature strawberry harvest. They are sweet and delicious, and early. I can't believe it's only mid-May and our June-bearing strawberries are already ripe enough to eat.

On the opposite side of the yard we (and by "we" I mean Ricky) dug up a bunch of sod along the fence to plant wildflowers. I put in the "Save the Bees" mix and the "Hummingbird Haven" mix, so we'll see what I get. The little sproutlings are already starting to appear.

Even though it cost a good chunk of money to get this garden going and we'll have to leave it after next summer, I'm glad we decided to put it in. It's something that I can focus on and get excited about that can take my mind off of the baby thing. Since I'm extremely fragile about that lately and am dealing with stupid side effects from the meds my OBGYN put me on, distractions are a very good thing.

Now all we need are some lounge chairs and an outdoor table and we'll be set to have a very enjoyable summer in the backyard!

Seattle Trip

It took us a ridiculous SIX months before we were able to go back and visit Seattle. We had wanted to go visit for Valentine's Day but we were too poor. Then we had planned on going for Ricky's birthday but we were also too poor then. We were finally able to go the first weekend of May and boy, we couldn't have picked a better weekend to go! As we drove up I-5 there was a point where we could see Hood, Adams, and Helens all at one time. Once we made it to our Northern home it was so clear that we could see the Olympics and Rainier for the whole weekend. Our plan for the weekend consisted of nothing but eating and hanging out with our Seattle family, the Deckers.

Saturday morning we went for a little hike at Discovery Park, where I worked all of last summer. We were lucky enough to spot a pileated woodpecker AND get a photo of it. It was glorious to be back there.

Post-hike we experienced the meal we had so been longing for. We drove over to the Ballard waterfront and parked in front of our favorite salmon and tourquoise building--Paseo! After 45 minutes of waiting in a line that had more than 60 people in it, we ate the most amazing cuban sandwiches ever. EVER. My stomach is growling with desire just writing about it now.

We spent the rest of Saturday wandering around Ballard and Queen Anne. When our sandwiches had sufficiently digested we stopped off at Molly Moon's and had ice cream. :)

In the late afternoon we visited our old nextdoor neighbors Rob and Sarah and we able to meet their brand new, 4-day old baby Max. He was way cute and we are super happy for them. 

Since it was so glorious outside, we decided to take a picnic to Gasworks Park with the Deckers for dinner. Alma and Anita had a blast playing in the grass, spotting kites, and pretending to be horses. I think Alma went up to at least 4 sets of people and neighed at them. Teheh. Oh, and she stole my sunglasses.

 Sunday morning we got up and headed back to Ballard to go to our favorite Sunday Market where we picked up some delicious toffee fir Mother's Day gifts. After that it was full steam ahead to the Aquarium with the girls for Anita's 2nd birthday! We had an awesome time there, obviously, and I was able to catch up with a few of my volunteer friends.

 

After the aquarium we dropped off the girls and headed southbound. We really miss Seattle and its many opportunities for food and adventure. I really do think that I was meant to live near salt water.

Ah well, maybe we'll live there again someday. In the meantime, we'll just have to go on a lot of visits!

One Year Older

Welp, I turned 24 last Thursday. We didn't make a big deal out of it, instead I chose to have a low-key day at home (after work of course). After work we went out in the yard and built our raised beds for gardening. They are both 4x6x1 and look really pretty; I'm excited to fill them with planties. When we finished that project we went and picked up a pizza from Mezza Luna, some cake from Sweet Life, and a movie from the Redbox. Sweet Life had an orange-infused cheesecake with dark chocolate cookie crust that I have been craving but haven't seen there in years--I got the last piece. We spent the rest of the evening lolling on the couch, eating, and watching the Hobbit. Overall it was a pretty nice day, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and everyone was nice to me.

As for the rest of my recent days, there have been some ups and downs--significantly more downs than I would like. Does anyone else have that sad song from Robin Hood going through their head "Sometimes ups, outnumber the downs...but not in Nottingham." My life is definitely not that bad but I've had some rough stuff lately. I'll start with the ups:

1) My grandparents visited from Idaho and it was fun to spend some time with them

2) I love my new job so far. I love all of the kids, despite some of their hideous behavior, and I get along really well with almost all of my co-workers,

3) Ricky surprised me yesterday by taking me up to Portland to go to Eat Mobile, a food truck festival. We met one of my long-time very best friends there, Kim, and gorged ourselves silly. It was AWESOME! This is actually the first time that Ricky has been able to plan a surprise for me that has actually been surprising (I always figure things out unintentionally), so he was really proud of himself.


Now for the cruddy stuff. I feel like numbered bullet points are too peppy for this paragraph so I'm just going to say it. I am so tired of being poor. I have a job now, but it doesn't pay very well. We have some money but we have to pay back a couple of loans. We are not going to be able to go to Europe this fall. We could probably make it happen if we only went for a week and a half and if we were really cheap while we were there. Doing it that way doesn't seem worth it to us. I want to be able to stay where I want, visit all of the museums that I want, and most importantly EAT what I want. We've decided to push our trip back until April--which is only 6 months from when we had intended to go but a whole year from now. By pushing back Europe we are also pushing back plans for a baby. This is the real kicker. Most of you know by now that I want a baby more than anything else. Pushing it back until a year from now feels devastating to me. You might ask "If you really wanted a baby that badly, wouldn't you put that in front of a trip to Europe?" In which case I would retort that I have heard too many young parents say that they wish they would have done more/traveled more as a couple before having kids. I don't want to regret not making an amazing memory with my husband. I require a final hoorah before our lives change forever. I know that I am warring with myself about this whole thing but it really has been very hard anyways. Huge bummer.

To top it off, I went to a new gynocologist on Friday. I plan on having this be the man who helps deliver my future child so it was good to start seeing him now. The unfortunate bit is that there is definitely something going on with my idotic uterus. He thinks it's endometriosis or another cyst problem or some chronic inflammatory thing. I'm going to have to have these $400 shots that shut down my hormones in order to be able to tell whether or not it is endometriosis. Next step after that is surgery. I hate, HATE drugs that alter my hormones. I have enough trouble coping with my naturally occuring hormones and at least those are my own. I am scared to death that something is going to be seriously wrong with me and that it may cause us to have fertility problems. I worry about it approximately once every 3 thoughts. The doctor said that the best thing I could do for my body right now, biologically speaking, would be to get pregnant. Great, because that really helps the way I'm already feeling right now...not. I've got myself all in a fuss about this whole thing. I'm feeling moody and depressed and super sensitive. Also, I sort of cannot be around pregnant people right now--sorry if you are my pregnant friend or family member. It's not you, it's me. Your fertility makes it nearly impossible for me to push the thoughts of my barren uterus out of my mind.

So that's that. I won't be pregnant in 7 months, like I had hoped and I also won't be traveling around Europe to distract myself. Boo. Whine, whine, whine. I'm just going to have to find some ingenious ways of distracting myself until next April. I'm taking suggestions.

I wish I were in Hawaii with Leah Banick right now...

Employed

Well folks, I'm finally employed. I was hired last week and had my first day on Friday but had too many things going on to write about it. I'm working for the Child Center which is a non-profit children and family therapy center in Springfield. I'm working as an instructional assistant in a classroom with children who are currently unable to be successful in a regular classroom due to behavioral issues (mostly the result of abuse). It's rough stuff but I can totally handle it. The pay sucks, the hours are awesome, and it is a permanent position--ie, I have the job until I feel like quitting and having myself a baby. Woohoo! I am super relieved to be able to stop looking for jobs and filling out applications.

On an unrelated note, Monday was my honey's 24th birthday. We went to a cabin in the woods with some really fun friends for the weekend to celebrate. We hiked, beached, and sat in a glorious in-ground hot tub. On Monday I slaved away in the kitchen making food that was as close to that at La Isla, in Seattle, as I could. I made pulled pork with mojito sauce, cilantro-lime rice, and a pinto bean concoction. It turned out surprisingly well--whew. We are still, as ever, poor so Ricky only got three presents. They are awesome presents though; I got him Settlers of Catan (his favorite board game), this Ork Poster of Seattle, and best of all, I found a used Mario Kart 64 game on Amazon for him. I played it too. I am very anti videogame so this was a big move for me. I decided that the game is so old that it can be cool to play it once in a while. Anyone want to come over and play with us??

Thanks to everyone who supported us during my job hunt. You are great.

DIY: Grandma's Doily

My great-grandma used to make doilies all of the time and hand them out to various family members. I'm sure my sister and I have at least a dozen each. I'm not really the type of person that would put doilies around the house as a decoration but I wanted to do something special with at least one of them.

I decided to make this dream-catcher to hang on my wall. This was a super easy project because I didn't  have to buy anything and I was able to finish it in one afternoon. I used white thread to tie the doily around the inner hoop of the embroidery hoop. All of the feathers I used on the bottom are ones that I found on my hikes and walks while we lived in Seattle. I superglued the feathers together at their tips, tied them with some basic twine, and then tied the three sections of twine to the outer embroidery hoop.

I chose to hang this sentimental craft in the center of a main wall, surrounded by other art pieces that are special to me. Can't wait to enjoy this for years to come!

Special thanks to my great-grandmother, Elizabeth Stout, for giving me this lovely doily.

Please Sir, May I Have a Job?

What the heck? Why aren't there any jobs in Eugene (rhetorical question)? Really though, I've applied at lots of places and have heard nothing. NOTHING. I went to college, I earned my degree, I have some work experience, I'm awesome, why don't they want me?

I'm feeling downcast. I am simultaneously feeling lame that nobody wants to give me a job, which makes me feel slightly worthless and feeling panicked about paying off loans and paying for our trip to Europe. That trip is the only thing I am looking forward to right now; if I don't have that I feel I will melt into a sad puddle on the floor.

So please, please, if you know anyone who might hire me to do anything other than food service, please let me know asap.



It's one of those days.

Confessions of a Finicky Eater

I have always been choosy about my food. My parents called my "picky," I prefer "finicky," or "selective" when it comes to describing my eating. The point is, the list of things I would not eat used to be significantly longer than the list of things I would. At age five I ate melted cheese sandwiches, chicken strips, applesauce, and cereal; present my with a vegetable and I suddenly my knee would hurt too much for me to eat dinner, or I'd come up with some other ailment.

Twenty years later, I am still a finicky eater but I've figured out the real problem behind some of those gag-inducing foods. TEXTURE. As it turns out, nearly every food I dislike is on the dislike list because of its texture. I don't like foods that are unreasonably mushy, slimy, or squeaky. In my opinion, vegetables should never be boiled or steamed. Mushrooms, cauliflower, brusssel sprouts, eggplant, and artichokes are never okay. I can't do tomatos unless they are in marinara or finely chopped salsa. I can't eat onions that are any larger than my pinky fingernail. I don't eat seafood.

I have added countless things to my food repertoire in the past few years. My expanded pallette combined with the fact that I choose what we eat for dinner nearly every night makes it pretty easy not to have run-ins with food that I don't like. Fortunately/unfortunately we sometimes get invited to other people's houses for dinner. I love having friends and I love food. The combination of eating and being with friends is pretty much the best ever. But sometimes, just sometimes, I still have anxiety about what the food is going to be if I'm not cooking it. Maybe they will serve me cauliflower soup! Maybe there will be a mushy-veggie filled souflet! Oh the worry! A couple of weeks ago we were invited to a brand new friend's house and, feeling guilty, I warned her that under no cicumstances could I eat seafood. She made us a delicious soup with salad and bread, but I still had to go through the anxiety of wondering what was on the menu, and the lame feeling of letting her know that there were things I couldn't eat.

My point is, it sucks being choosy about food. I wish I was one of those people that could eat anything and be happy about it but I'm not. I know that there are millions of children starving all over the world, and I advocate for them but I don't need to feel even more guilty about my eating problem! So friends, be aware of those finicky eaters in your life, know that they are not being difficult on purpose, and that they mean no offense to your food.

Oregon Coast

We stayed home on Valentine's Day this year. We've come to the conclusion over the years that it is so not worth it to go out when every other person and their dog is also out. We decided to take a trip over to Florence today to celebrate instead. We loved having beach access in Seattle but there was nothing like the wide expanse of beach that lines much of the Oregon coast.

We lucked out with a beautiful day, rainless, partly cloudy, moderately warm, and nearly wind free!
Hooray!

Ode to Seattle

I miss Seattle.

How could this be? I hated it. HATED IT. For 6 months straight all I wanted to do was leave and go home to Eugene. In June I started to like Seattle, I still would have preferred to live in Oregon but I was on good terms with the city. In September, when our return to Eugene was a certainty, I had finally reached the point where I could have continued to live in Seattle.

Don't get me wrong, I am so happy to be back here. I love Eugene. I love being so close to family and having a full social calendar. I love being in the fertile valley/Land of Zion.

So what's the problem?

I miss the food. Seattle has inumerable eating venues that we adored and the grocery stores were well stocked with organic/local produce. For us foodies, that's a big deal

I miss the salt, in the water that is. We lived minutes from Puget Sound where there was always a chance of seeing a harbor seal, sea lion, porpoise, or even a whale. I could go tidepooling whenever I wanted. I collected sea shells all of the time. I miss seeing boats everywhere and reading the names on the sides of them. Eugene has lots of fresh water but there is never that excitement that comes with the possibility of seeing a whale. A whale!

I miss the huge parks. Seattle is way more urban than Eugene, but surprisingly it has bigger and better parks. The parks are more diverse and more wild, with more wildlife in them.

I miss the local shopping. I'm not just talking about the availability of Nordy's, West Elm, and Anthro (which was great), I miss all the cute little local boutiques where I could get the best cards and gifts. There are never any good cards at Target.

I miss the opportunities. More jobs, more volunteer possibilities, more things to do. There were more reasons to leave the house.

I miss our landlords. I know that sounds funny, but we lived in our landlords' house. We saw them and interacted with them everyday. What started as an awkward "hey, we live in your basement," situation ended with tears and "we love you"s when we moved away.


We know that Eugene is the right place for us to be right now. We can afford to live here comfortably while Ricky is just starting out his career, we can be near to family and friends when we have our first baby, and we can be here to support our younger siblings.

We are Oregonians and we always will be, but some day in the future, when we have more money and more years under our belt, we may be Oregonians that live in Seattle.

Thanks Seattle, for becoming my friend.

2013, It's All About Me

I have never really been into New Year's resolutions. This year is a little bit different from the 23 others I have weathered so far. Since we are planning to start trying to have a baby in October, this will (hopefully) be my last year in which my body belongs solely to me and my life isn't dictated by children. This is my last chance to really nourish myself--to selfishly focus on my hobbies, interestes, and impulses. I know I will have opportunities to nourish my own interests at other times in my life but nothing will ever be the same as it is now again.

I am so excited about having a baby that I sometimes forget to enjoy the time I have right now.

So this year I plan to do everything that I want. I plan on taking more ceramics classes and working on art projects. I want to learn at least the basics of french. I am going to brush up on my piano skills, improve my guitar playing, and sing, sing, sing! I want to volunteer in my community. I am going to take the GRE so that I can apply for graduate school when I am ready. I want to find a part-time job where I can learn, be fulfilled, and do good for the earth.
The most important item on my list is our trip to Europe in the fall. Ricky and I have both agreed that we want travel to be an important part of our lives. While we will have many vacations in our future, I want to visit Europe with my husband before we have kids and our lives change forever. I want to eat all of the delicious, unpasturized cheese that Europe has to offer. I want it to be a romantic vacation that we can look back on for many years, a celebration of the journey that the two of us have been on so far.

I am really looking forward to this year of celebrating myself and my strong, happy marriage. So 2013, let's get going, we've a lot to do!