Drives like a Dream

We bought a new (new to us) car! Three cheers for us, hooray! Today hubby and I bought our first car together and we love it. It's a 2006 Toyota matrix hatchback, dark blue, black interior, automatic transmission. It's the newest car either of us have ever driven so we felt really fancy and cool driving it around our neighborhod today. We are really happy with the choice we made, now all we need to do is think of a name for it.

Anyone need a ride?

A lot of December

December proved a very eventful month here in Holtontown. Ricky finished up his first term of grad school and managed to get all A's. We were relieved to have made it through and were looking forward to some quality relaxation time together over the holiday. Fortunately and unfortunately, I finally landed a job in the second week of December. It's not ideal. I never ever thought I would be a waitress, not that I look down on that line of work persay, I just always thought I would be horrible at it because I have no upper arm strength, am rather clumsy, and don't enjoy high stress situations. Anyway, since I'd been out of work for almost 4 months, I couldn't very well turn my nose up at some extra income in this city of high price tags. So I started a week of training at the Pasta Warehouse (this is a faux name, so I can rant about work if I need to later on). That week was hellish. Not only was I the only trainee without serving experience, I had to memorize the menu as well as the full bar (which was, for a Mormon girl like me, extremely challenging). I took my serving test and was thrown right into a busy Friday night just before Christmas as my first shift on my own. I survived and brought home decent tips as well.

We flew (drove) south that weekend to visit our dear Eugenian friends for the weekend. The trip was all together too short but lovely and worthwhile all the same. On the way back to Seattle that Sunday afternoon I started having weird stomach pain. To make a long story short, by Wednesday (the 21st)  my stomach and mid-back pain had grown so debilitating that I found myself in the doctor's office being diagnosed with a moderately advanced stomach ulcer. It hadn't worn a hole all the way through my stomach yet, but was fairly nasty. I spent the rest of the week resting and taking my medicine--what a Christmas bummer.

We travelled again to Salem for our annual four Christmases that weekend. Shortly after arriving Ricky started having a gastrointestinal nightmare along with a high fever. He spent Christmas eve in bed and hardly ate anything on Christmas day. All in all Christmas with our families was lovely but by the end of the weekend we both felt like we had been through the ringer.

Upon returning to work on Monday I was offered a bit of a promotion. Second week and a promotion? Yeah, I'm cool (just kidding). Anyways, now I am doing book keeping for the restaurant Mon-Fri 9-2 and making slightly more money an hour. I am still picking up serving shifts 1-2 nights a week as well, so I can still make decent tips.

Lastly, we sold my car yesterday. This was a very bittersweet event for me seeing as how it was the first and only car I had personally ever owned. I loved that car and I thanked it for its years of dutiful service.  She went to a good home. Now we can get a new car though, one that GOES! Go car, go!

Hopefully we can drive our new car into the new year with happiness and look forward to many great and wonderful things.

Soyons Heureux.

And Those Who Live There Too

As a child I grew up listening to a lot of John Denver. My particular favorites are the Wildlife Series and some of the Christmas albums. There is one track on the John Denver & the Muppets Christmas album in which John tells a story about a Christmas tree named Alfie. The story ends with John Denver asking us to include the wind, water, and woods and those who live there too into our Christmas prayers. This funny little story was very powerful to me for some reason and I did just as Mr. Denver said. From the age of about 6-12 not a day went by that I didn't close my nightly prayers with "please bless the rocks, the wind, the water, the woods, and those who live there." How could my parents not know they were getting an environmentalist for a child?
Our fellow creatures are in trouble, many of them are suffering, please include them in your Christmas prayers this year too. Merry Christmas from John Denver and me.

O Tannenbaum

We drove out to a country-ish place this past weekend to choose, cut, and bring home a Christmas tree. For all of my fellow Salemites, you may know that the Salem area actually exports Christmas trees to other places. One need not drive more than five minutes to get to a Christmas tree farm in Salem so having to drive 45 minutes to get city-free seemed like a lot of effort. Once we arrived at the tree farm we wandered around until we found our perfect tree. I believe it is a Grand Fir, but it's only 5 ft. tall, so it's just a baby. It smells extremely festive. We lifted our tree into the truck bed and headed back to the city to put it in our house. The hour that we were at the Christmas tree farm was the best I've had in weeks. We were in the country and surrounded by wide open spaces. There were other farms and some scattered deciduous trees but no buildings above a story high interrupted my line of sight. I felt like I could breathe for the first time in who knows how long. I have slowly been adjusting to life in the big city; I no longer feel like I'm suffocating all the time for lack of space but visiting that open space made me realize how constrained I'd been feeling before.

When we brought Ollivander, our tree, home that night I immediately began the festive process. I dug out the box of Christmas decorations, strung the lights, hung the ornaments, and made the house look festive and cozy. Ricky and I are both so on top of things that the tree already has all of it's presents wrapped and underneath of it. I've had the Christmas playlist going for over a week and Christmas cheer abounds within my dwelling, it's almost enough. The joy of this season is almost enough to mask my feelings of lonliness and longing for home, almost enough to make me okay with being here. I feel mostly happy but can still feel a little creature lurking inside of me that's grumbling and murmuring. Luckily, December is when I love Ricky the most. I love him all the time of course, but since we started dating during December, the month makes me feel extra great about our relationship. After this next week we will have survived his first term of graduate school and can then do our best to enjoy this time.

I know that this post doesn't really say much or have a point. I've been looking at my blogger dashboard for weeks and telling myself I should write but have been feeling to starved for inspiration to do so. This lame update will have to suffice for now.

Hoop Jumping

I've let my brain follow a new line of thought this week without trying to interrupt it. When I finally reached a conclusion to this particular thought process I wasn't quite sure what to think of it; it's big, complex, and one of those questions that only spurs more questions without answers. I am going to try to relay this chain of thought now so I'm sorry if it is a little bit confusing.

Warning: this line of thought includes broad generalizations and assumptions.

I've been thinking about the purpose of religion. I find religion to be a powerful and good influence in my life on many levels. I also think that religion has a lot of positive things to offer on a community and even global scale. I won't go into these things now because that isn't really my point, it will suffice to say that religiousity + me = friends. Lately though, I can't help but feel that religion (all kinds, not only mine and not excluding mine) can feel a bit contrived.

For most of Christianity the main goal of a Christian lifestyle seems to be being as Christ-like as is possible in order to return to Heavenly Father after we die. I am completely on board with this goal, in fact I think I am so on board with this goal that I feel a bit suffocated by any additional rules and regulations. To be like Christ or to be a good person is a goal that to many seems both ambiguous and unattainable. This is understandable because those are very big and broad goals. It's a proven fact that people do better at reaching their goals if they set small, realistic goals instead. I'm getting to my point here soon, I promise. I feel sometimes that by following all of the "do this" or "don't do that" guidelines of my religion in particular, I get bogged down and lose sight of the big picture of just being like Christ. I also feel that religions as a whole get preoccupied with whether or not they are jumping through the appropriate hoops because it is easier than coming to terms with the fact that it is really hard to be like Christ. There, I said it.

What does this mean for me?
I really want to let go of some of the little things that I don't feel matter very much. I'm not trying to say that all of the guidelines set in place aren't good or won't help me to be more Christ-like in some ways, sure they will. I'm just saying that my priorities are about how I treat other people and my overall faithfulness and humbleness. I want to be an active force acting like Christ out in the world, not sequestered in my faith-based community being like everyone else there. I want to focus on charity which is the pure love of Christ, that is what really matters.

Please excuse any rambling or non-sensicalness that just occured as I tried to put a thought into words. I wish I had a pensieve like Dumbledor's!

Brain Rot (fall 2011)

This week has been a pretty big struggle for me. Nothing particularly terrible happened, in that respect things have been quite normal but I've been experiencing internal turmoil like nobody's business. I'm feeling really down and out. Despite my persistence at excercise and eating healthily this past couple of weeks, I can't help feeling like I'm slipping into a bit of a pit that I can't climb out of. I feel like I have one hand on the brim of a big black hole with no footholds to be found.

This past September was the first since I was five during which I did not start another year of school. Instead I watched my husband start graduate school while I tried to find a job. At first I was a bit relieved to have a break and to have the freedom to do what I wanted. The novelty of that wore off in about two weeks.

I feel like my brain is starting to rot. I change my mind, I don't want to grow up and get a real job, I want to go back to school! I always knew that I wanted to go back to school but I had thought I'd be fine waiting until Ricky finished. WRONG. I'm not fine. I think I would be okay if I was doing a job where I could use the knowledge and skills I learned in school; that would feel good. When I did my internship with WREN last year I learned a ton, so I know I could learn in a good job as well. Unfortunately good jobs in my field are hard to come by these days (all jobs are hard to come by, obviously). Since I'm not using the things I've learned to retain my knowledge or gaining new knowledge I am really frightened that I'm going to be completely dumb in a few more months and that my whole education will have been a waste. Part of my brain knows this isn't true but it isn't quite strong enough to quell the scaredy part. I might consider finding a year-long masters program up here for next year if I can't find a useful job pretty soon. I don't really know what to do, it's hard to decide with my brain rotting away like the pumpkins on my porch.

I decided to let out a little bit of anxiety and frustration by making a delicous autumn-inspired meal last night. After we ran our errands for the day I took up residence in the kitchen and made an awesome chili, fluffy corn, buttermilk, and chive popovers, followed by apple-cider doughnuts. I was really proud of myself for making such delicious doughnuts on my first try--now I don't have to wait until next year to go to Baumman Farms pumpkin patch to get them.

Luckily I have a husband who will stop at nothing to cheer me up, not even dancing to silly songs with me in the kitchen. Oh, and my Ducks just beat Stanford, heck yes.

Green Thumb

Oats, peas, beans, and barley grow
Oats, peas, beans, and barley grow
Do you or I or anyone know
How oats, peas, beans, or barley grow?

When I was in elementary school I thought that this was by far the MOST irritating song ever to be invented. A great friend and I would, upon hearing it, plug our ears and moan and groan. Even now if one or the other of us sings even a few notes of it to the other we laugh and say "no, no, no!"

Oddly enough I ended up choosing a course of study in a field that ties in very closely with how plants grow, and where, and when. I have been yearning for a garden of my own for several years now and although Seattle has dealt me a few disappointing cards so far, it did turn over a bit of Earth for me to steward.

Yesterday I went out to the garden and started to work. It was brisk to say the least, the sun was shining, the sky was brilliantly clear, and it was as cold as hell (hell to me would be cold, I suffer in cold). Dressed in my puffy down coat, sweatpants, Toms, and my new pink gardening gloves I weeded until I was sure I had eradicated those nasty buggers. I then proceeded to plant tulips, hyacinths, and daffodils. Since it isn't veggie season (at least not of any veggie I like) I thought that I could at least plant some flowers. I dug each hole with care, sprinkled in some fertilizer (chicken poo from our neighbors coop), gently placed the bulb in, and covered it over with soil. I had been having a lame and irksome week that was not turning out how I had planned but this activity provided a way for me to feel grounded, rooted if you will, for the first time in 6 weeks. As I gently avoided Wormy Wormington and Wormina Wormwood with my spade I felt connected to the earth and the process of growth and renewal. I talked to the bulbs as I placed them in the ground and encouraged them to weather the winter and grow in the spring. I hoped and wished for each new bulb and I simultaneously wished the same wish for myself each time. I know that I will get to the point of thriving, but first I have to just hold on until the stormy weather passes over me.

I know how oats, peas, beans, and barley grow. They grow with water, soil, sunshine, and worms. But they also grow with hope, prayerfulness, faith, and roots that reach down into the earth with strength and humility.

For my Leah.

Self-esteem

Self-esteem is a funny and complicated thing. I have never really thought very much about self-esteem before and I am realizing that I never gave it much thought because I have always had fairly high self-esteem. Unfortunately as of late, I have felt my self-esteem take a dive into the depths of lowness. The way a person thinks about her/himself is of course based on many different internal and external factors. Among these are the way one percieves her/himself physically and mentally, whether or not one feels as if they are contributing to society, whether or not one is happy with her/his environment, family, financial situation, career, etc. Self-esteem may also be partially comprised of how a person thinks they are percieved by others, as well as whether or not they feel supported by their friends and family members.

My current dilemma is tangled up in several of the aformentioned criteria. I have stopped being a student for the first time since preschool, I am therefore having a difficult time trying to continue expanding my knowledge on my own. I'm feeling as if I will become stagnant because I am no longer stuffing my brain full of literature and lectures on a daily basis. I am unemployed. I am in a new city, one that I find thoroughly overwhelming, I feel rootless and purposeless. I haven't found a way to use the degree I just earned and instead sit around and play housewife (which I mostly hate). Although I know it is untrue I feel that every job I apply for and don't get is somehow a rejection of the whole me, instead of just my skills or experiences (is there a difference?). My friends are all far away being friends with each other and doing fun friend things. I feel lonely and out of touch with any social scene. I feel like every new person I meet can tell that I don't really belong here and that I don't actually want to be here at all. This lonliness has in turn, fueled my cookie-baking/eating habits which is making it really difficult to lose the 10lbs that I've gained since our wedding. Of course I don't think I'm totally fat or anything, but I feel too fat for me and I don't like it at all. I then feel guilty and mad every time I eat cookies or cake when ideally those things should comfort me! Ugh. 

This whole post seems whiny and lame but it's how I've been feeling for a month. People keep telling me to just put myself out there and to volunteer until I find a job, but I don't really feel like it. Having low self-esteem has put me in an over-all grumpy disposition to the point of not really wanting to do anything. It feels like I've hit a road block and can't move on. It's possible that I am rejecting and pushing away every new thing here in Seattle because I'm afraid of being wounded or abandoned by something. I haven't quite figured myself out yet. I feel a bit like an animal that has been faced with things it's afraid of and has backed itself into a corner, instead of embracing the fears in front of me I attack them without really assessing whether or not they are actually bad. Whine whine whine, I need to get over it.

CHRISTians

Today's post brought to you by the letters "I" and "C."

"I" is the first letter of the word "ignorant." Ignorant is a word often used to describe people who act or speak foolishly due to a lack of knowledge or understanding.

The word "cult" begins with the letter "C." Cult is a word used to describe a religious group that is in its infancy, whose numbers are small, and whose beliefs and practices are uncommon.

The common definition of a cult as a strange or sinister religion, defying social norms and mores is incorrect (incomplete at the very least) and quite ignorant. News flash! All religions began as cults. When each religion began it was a cult, religions begin as cults and progress through various stages until they are able to be defined as major religions.

The aforementioned statements are the beginning of a small rant set off by a news article entitled Romney's Mormonism in focus at political meeting. The article describes a political debate at which Mormonism was described as a cult and Mormons themselves called un-Christian.

Let me first say that I will definitely not be voting for Mitt Romney, nor will I be voting for any of the republican candidates. I am a moderate liberal through and through and would sincerely hate to see this country have an LDS president for reasons which I can disclose at another time. My real problem with what was said in this article is the way Romney's religion (my religion) was attacked by "Christians."

1) Mormonism is not a cult. Mormons make up more than 14,000,000 people worldwide and constitute approximately 3% of the United States population equal to Jews, and more than both Buddhists and Muslims. The LDS Church was founded more than 150 years ago. Mormonism is not a cult.

2) Pray, tell me what it is about a church entitled "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints" says "we aren't Christian." The name of the church has Jesus Christ in the title! The First Presbyterian Church, First Baptist Church, and United Methodist Church all claim to be under the umbrella of Christianity but I don't see the Lord's name in their titles.

Unfortunately this is not the first time I have encountered these oh-so-misinformed viewpoints. Salem, OR has seen the birth of many a mainstream Christian. Growing up there was fine, I had several LDS friends to keep me company and had many non-LDS friends as well. However as high school and college progressed some of these non-LDS friends decided that the Mormons were no longer good friend material and either needed ditching or saving. Even writing that word "saving" makes me want to vomit. I will never believe that all one must do to recieve eternal glory is to say "I believe in Jesus Christ." I can't and won't accept the simplicity and silliness of it all. Sorry, that was a sidetrack. Anyhow, here are some things I uh, learned from these friends:

1) Mormons don't believe in the true God. The God that Mormons believe in is a false God and couldn't possibly be the same one that other Christians believe in. I don't really know the reasoning for this.
2) Mormons aren't Christian. I'm not sure if this is because we believe that the Godhead consists of 3 separate beings or what.
3) Mormons are sorely mislead and are definitely going to Hell.

It truly was a shock to find that my lifelong convictions were so terribly ill-founded, however I soon got over it. My response to many of these accusations is that if I have said that I believe in Jesus Christ and that He is my savior, how is it that I can still be going to Hell? If an axe murderer can, with his dying breath say, "I believe in Jesus Christ!" and be saved, why does my particular denomination of Christianity sentence me to eternal damnation?

What I find even more repulsing is the way this false information is spread. Many, many Christian churches have entire sermons and sunday-school lessons devoted to anti-Mormonism. I can't imagine why they would want to spend their time criticizing Mormons when they are supposedly gathering to learn more about the alleged gospel. Why don't they spend their time building up their faith instead of trying to tear ours down? We do not ever criticize other religions during our meetings! I personally love learning about other religious and spiritual beliefs. Many religions have beautiful and true aspects to them that we would all do well to adopt.

The only answer I can think of to explain their behavior is fear. They are afraid of what we teach either because they are truly un-Christlike and connot accept that there can be a diversity of belief systems, or because they fear, on some level that we may be right.


I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
I know who I am, I know God's plan
I'll follow Him in faith
I believe in my Savior Jesus Christ
I'll honor His name
I'll do what is right
I'll follow His light
His truth I will proclaim


Thank you to all of my non-LDS friends who have never made me feel like I am an un-Christian heathen.

Live

Since our recent move to Seattle I have been mulling over the idea of living in a place and what that really means. My ponderings began about a week after we arrived here when Ricky said to me, "I think we should really try to live in Seattle, not just go about doing the same things we always do despite the fact that we are in a new and exciting place." This statement sounded odd as it rang in my ears. My initial reaction was mixed, part of me wanted to scream and say no! I will not! Even then I knew how deep my loyalties to Eugene ran. The other part of me complacently thought he was right. Maybe we should take the bull by the horns and face this new place head on. A little part of me does in fact want to experience this city and explore, but I want to do it as a visitor, not a resident. It seems to be that now that we've moved we are Seattle residents but do we really live in Seattle? If I'm being honest, I'd have to say no, we don't.

All of our stuff is in Seattle, we sleep here, eat here, pay sales tax (ugh), and recieve mail at this address. When I re-register to vote I will have to register in Washington (I will still vote for Obama). But, we don't really live here. I have come to the realization that you can't really live in a place when your heart isn't there and when you find yourself constantly pining for another place (other than Disneyland).

During my sophomore year of college I took a class (my favorite class that I ever took) entitled Religion and Ecology. My teacher, John Baumann, artfully began the first class by asking us all to share with the class what we felt our "place" was. For many people their "place" was somewhere outside of Eugene, despite the fact that we were all sitting in a classroom in Eugene. Some people named the place they were born or raised, the place where their families were, the location they were in during a significant time in their lives, and some even named a place that they wished they could go. As a young 20 year old whose only physical move on the map had been from Salem to Eugene, I only scratched the surface of comprehension into the deep meaning of this excercise.

I can confidently tell you now that my place, if I have to choose one, is Eugene. Someone might say to me "shouldn't your heart be where your husband is?" To them I would respond saying yes, it should be, however I know that his heart is also in Eugene, so in that our hearts are together, wishing ourselves to where we truly want to be.

Eugene is my place for many reasons of which I will name a few: many of my closest friends reside in Eugene and Eugene is only an hour away from Salem--an hour away from my family. I like being an hour away from my family. Sixty miles is short enough to travel for sibling's band and choir concerts, for major and minor holidays, and for whatever reason I see fit, but it is far enough away that we have sufficient independence. Eugene is green! I love the Willamette Valley more than any place on earth, the fertile valley with rivers and hills is both enchanting and sustaining. I love my Ducks. I love our football team, but more importantly I cherish the sense of community I feel during football season. I love walking into the grocery store and seeing 80% of the people there all wearing their  Duck gear; this is an easily recognizable, physical representation that we all have something in common. Finally, Eugene is really where I became myself. It is the place where I made big decisions about who I would be, what I would stand for, and what my purpose was in the world.

Admittedly, there are other places that hold pieces of my (metaphorical) heart. Salem will always hold a piece of my heart, the piece that contains my childhood. Another piece resides in Yellowstone National Park, a place of sublime beauty that I find very special. There are other little pieces that have attached themselves to distant relatives and far off friends. These pieces travel around with the people that I love and exist where they are. Despite all of this, my place is Eugene. Eugene is where I truly feel at home and where my soul feels at peace.

Where is your place? Do you know?

A Bit About Friendship

Today I want to say a few words about friendship. I've spent a considerable amount of time lately thinking about my friends and really taking a look at the different types of relationships I have with them. While I haven't come up with anything truly profound to say about friendship, I must say I am amazed at the diversity of the relationships I have with friends.

Some of my friendships began when I was four or five. I managed to make friends in kindergarten that have stuck with me throughout the rest of my life. Those friendships have stood the test of time and I know I will never lose them. I have other friendships that began in middle school or high school. I am just as close to many of these friends because we helped one another as we blossomed from awkward, self-conscience children into adulthood. Some of these friendships have been tried and tested through distance. When someone moved away or we all went off to college, the weaker of the friendships slipped through the cracks. Others lasted. Some of those took more effort than others; with some, letters, emails, and phone calls kept us in touch regularly. With others, we may not have heard from one another in months but a holiday gathering proved that our love for one another was still strong and in no danger.

Methods for making new friends tend to shift with age. Once you are out of school it isn't as easy to find friends whose lifestyles and ideals mesh with yours. For this reason, I appreciate the friendships I have made as an adult just as much as the ones I have had for 4/5 of my life. Although I gained many of these friends less than a year ago we are already bosom friends (see Ann of Green Gables).

Some friends are best for having a good time, others are best for a serious talk, some are the best at comforting my woes; with some I reminisce about the past and with others I conjecture about the future. I cherish each one of these friendships and appreciate their diversity.

Since we've now moved to a city where our nearest friend is an hour away, I have to face the facts that I might need some additional friends at a closer proximity. I have had a bit of a bad attitude about this situation--I don't want to make new friends because I am perfectly happy with the friends I have. I also don't want to be comparing any new friends to the lofty friend standards I have set based on my current far-away friends. As I try to open my mind and heart and ready myself for embracing new people this song from elementary school continues to ring through my head:


Make new friends
And keep the old
One is silver and the other gold


A circle is round
It has no end
That's how long I want to be your friend


The things you learn at a young age have a funny way of being relavent and meaningful later in life.
Alright new friends, I'm as ready as I'll ever be!

The Fishes of the Sea

Yesterday we took a little day trip to the fair country of Canada. After a two hour drive and a twenty minute wait we crossed the border and headed toward Vancouver. Our final destination was the Vancouver Aquarium (VanAqua). I consider myself a bit of an aquarium connoisseur but you can only go to the Newport Aquarium so many times before you need a change of scenery.

I am very fond of ocean-related things. I love to whales, water, sand, tidepools, kelp (the forests of the sea), and jellyfish. I get a kick out of imagining the ocean teeming with life, with schools of fish swimming around, whales traveling along the coast, crustaceans scuttling among the coral. Ahh, in my imagination all of the fish and sea mammals are smiling and happy. Unfortunately, the ocean is polluted, overfished, and dreary in many places. Whale populations are still trying to rebound from the dwindling numbers they reached during the hight of whaling. Some countries (ahem, Japan) continue whaling practices. People around the world enjoy eating seafood. There are many human health benefits that encourage the practice of seafood consumption. Sadly, much of the fish that is used for consumption is fished in a manner that is detrimental not only to fish populations but to the seafloor environment. The trawlers used by fishermen often scrape the seafloor ripping up kelp (essential to healthy ocean ecosystem function) and breaking coral (critical and endangered ocean habitat). Additionally, most fishing companies fish for a specific fish species. Their nets are unable to differentiate between the fish they are trying to catch and the fish they aren't (obviously). When they catch the "undesireable" fish they do not immediately throw them back. The fish die and are not used at all.

The phrase "there are plenty of fish in the sea" is slowly becoming a very inaccurate one. Sure there are a lot of fish left in the sea, but compared to the healthy levels that existed several decades ago, what is left looks mighty pitiful. So, the question to be asked here is not whether or not there will be enough fish left to feed this globe's ever booming population, but whether or not we can help the ocean ecosystem regain and maintain healthy function. Sea creatures depend on one another for survival--each species of fish or mammal eats the one smaller than it, many depend on kelp forests, coral, or iceburgs for shelter and protection, and all sea plants and animals (including sea birds) need clean water that is oil and garbage free.

Since fish populations are dwindling and most fisheries' practices are unsustainable I have decided not to eat seafood. This decision was influenced by other factors as well, such as the high levels of mercury that bioaccumulates in fish (particularly large fish) and the fact that the taste of fish is not particularly enjoyable to me. I made this decision a long time ago and have stuck to it. Fortunately for others who would still like to eat fish, sustainable fisheries are becoming more and more common! These fisheries do not "take" more fish from a population than is safe, closely monitor fish populations, use energy efficiently, and do not trawl the ocean floor. There are programs such as Ocean Wise that help consumers make sustainable seafood choices.

We were able to see some of the ocean's amazing creatures, as well as those that live in the Amazon Rainforest's rivers and banks at Vanaqua yesterday. Hooray!

There was an open area with amazing birds such as these Macaws, butterflies, and even a sloth!

There were all kinds of fish: tropical, pacific, freshwater, saltwater. The diversity down there is incredible.

There was no short supply of ocean mammals at the aquarium. We saw three beluga whales, three dolphins, three seals, two sea lions, and two otters!

There was also a cool exhibit where you could see jellyfish at every stage of jellyfish life, as well as one with about a1000 baby octopuses (octopi?). Great aquarium overall, and to think, we went to Canada and back for a day trip!

As a side note, one of my favorite photographers/environmental artists Chris Jordan did a set of work entitled Midway. He traveled to Midway island to expose the tragedy happening to the enormous albatross population that lives there. These photos are revealing, gut-wrenching, honest, and not for the faint of heart. I encourage all who care to learn about the plight these birds are in and why.

Eugenians Posing as Seattlites

Well, we made it. All three of us (I count Lucy dog as a person) are here, all of our stuff is here, and nothing was broken. Our apartment is really cool, we have great landlords upstairs, I am composting and gardening, and things are good. I feel extremely blessed that we found somewhere to live that is just right for us; I am grateful that at all of the other places we looked I listened to the Spirit and my gut and decided they weren't right for us. Our neighbors are friendly, and on one side they have chickens. They let me collect the eggs when I see them, which makes me feel like I'm on a farm. I like farms. If I walk for 10 minutes up the hill I can see the space needle. If I walk for 20 minutes down the hill I am at a little harbor called "Fisherman's Terminal." If I cross the train tracks and go over a different hill I can get to Queen Anne Ave., which has lots of adorable shops and trendy food that are fun to visit, although we could never afford them.

The only things that are lacking are jobs. I've applied for several with no luck yet; I'm trying to remain hopeful. For the most part I am surprised at my good attitude since we've been here. There have been a couple of short bursts of mopiness, seemingly triggered by nothing at all, but I've worked through them. I pictred myself lying around and crying all day, so I'm pleased that I haven't done that yet. It helps that I know a lot of my friends are out of town right now, so I can just pretend like I'm out of town too, however that little game will stop shortly. I can't quite rid myself of the jealousy I feel when I think of all of my Eugene friends hanging out together without us or all of the dinner parties and trips to the $1.50 theater I'm missing. I hold on to the fact that we moved to a cool city, so people will surely want to come visit us.

 Although Eugene is far away, I'm glad that I can still watch my Ducks play every week on TV. It isn't the same as being there, but I can still wear my LaMichael James jersey and yell and scream. We did go out for lunch in our Duck gear last Saturday and were a bit frightened to be surrounded by purple and gold. Someone probably spit in our food.

Feminism is not the only worthwhile "ism"

We finally found an apartment in Seattle and will be moving on Friday. Friday--as in the day after tomorrow. Yikes! I am so grateful that we were able to find a place that we like and that feels safe. We are having to downsize our amount of stuff quite a bit but I hink we'll manage. I am also feeling especially thankful for the prayer and fasting efforts of our friends and family. They all have plenty of things that they could have fasted for the past 2 fast Sundays, but they chose us. 

Now that I've relayed that update, I'll move on to something that has been bugging me as of late. I have a lot of close friends that are feminists. We aren't just talking about people that, if asked to choose between a) I am a feminist or b) I am not a feminist, would choose a. We are talking about people that, if asked to choose five descriptors for themselves, would probably list "feminist" as one of them. I love these people, obviously, that's why they're my friends. However, sometimes my particular brand of "ism"--ENVIRONMENTALISM feels a bit shoved to the side and sometimes scoffed at by these feminist friends.

I am a feminist too. In fact, my four years of study has left me surprisingly well rounded. As an environmental studies major I learned all about the inside and outside layers of our planet. I learned about the diverse ecosystems that sit upon it. I learned about weather patterns and global climate change. I learned about Earth's history and the history of the creatures that lived/live upon it. I learned how to be and how to teach other people to be stewards of the earth. All this is to be expected from someone with and ENVS degree, however what I think many people fail to realize is that the most important things I learned in school are about humankind's relationship to the earth. 

I took classes about gender and how gender issues and environment issues are related. I learned about poverty and wealth here, in Europe, in Asia, and in third world countries and how either poverty or wealth can effect one's relationship to the earth. I learned about Native Americans and their relationship to nature. I spent two years studying different religious and spiritual beliefs and how they can effect environmental beliefs. I learned about politics, sociology, and countless other topics as well. 

A common theme that was woven throughout my studies was that of inequality and oppression. The majority of humankind has oppressed all of God's other creations. We have polluted the streams, oceans, air, and soil. We have chopped down forests, mined mountains, and caused inumerable species to become extinct. God gave all of creation the commandment to multiply and replenish the earth. Our job, as humans, was to oversee the fullfillment of this commandment--not thwart it at every turn. Why do we oppress nature? We oppress nature because we view ourselves as far greater than it. We are more important and God loves us more. Wrong. All  living things, even ants and flowers, have spirits. They were made spiritually before they were created physically, and are therefore our brothers and sisters. These forms of inequality and oppression are on a very large scale--they can be found in different levels almost worldwide. 

After that longwinded speech I will now get to my point. As an environmentalist, I am aware of and sympathetic to many kinds of oppression and inequality. Many types of oppression and inequality can be tied to issues of environmental justice. For example, locations for nuclear waste storage are often chosen on Native American sites. Additionally, our great and glorious country pays third world countries to dump all of our garbage on them. And, over and over, parallels can be drawn between how women have been treated and how the earth has been treated throughout the history of Western civilzation. Why then do so many feminists care so little about the oppression of nature? They seek equality with the men of our species, but do they realize that while seeking freedom from inequality they continue to oppress God's other precious souls? Our eyes are so focused at reaching up toward what we want, when will we look down and see who we have trampled on our path?

Rant, rant, rant. That was my airing of grievances for today. Thanks for tuning in, until next time.

A Mish-mash

I began this blog with a rant. I had originally intended for this blog to be a place for me to go on little rants about the things that puzzle or bother me in life. However, after that rant, I didn't have anything that I felt like ranting about (in public) for a while so the whole thing fell by the wayside. After two months of contemplation I decided that this needs to just be a blog where I can rant if I want to, or express whatever overflow of emotion I'm having or even write about food. It's a mish-mash blog.

Thus being said, today I am feeling miserable and overwhelmed. I understand that miserable is a loaded term and that I've always been one for hyperboles, but that's how I'm feeling in Laurenland. We are moving to Seattle. We have to move there sometime between tomorrow and next Thursday. The imminence of this move has hovered over us for many months and it is finally here. Seattle is a beautiful city, don't get me wrong. I'm so glad we are moving there instead of somewhere less aesthetically pleasing like LA or Utah. Seattle is also REALLY expensive. Hubby and I have made three trips to Seattle in the past month and have yet to find anywhere to live. Our two main problems are 1) everywhere wants to charge (at the minimum) $900 to live in a one bedroom apartment 2) we haven't found jobs there yet and nobody will rent to us until we have definite income for when we get there. The major issue with these two problems is that it's really hard to find work in a city in which you do not live and have no connections. We have to be out of our current apartment in 12 days.

What's worse about this whole situation is that I was dreading moving even before all of these problems arose. I am a very social creature and am scared to death to be moving to a city where I have no friends or family. I am SO tired of hearing "everything will work out, you'll be fine," and "you'll make friends when you get there!" Here's the thing: I had a group of amazing friends in high school. I love those friends and have stayed very close to many of them. Unfortunately, after high school we were scattered to the four winds to go to our respective universities. In Eugene I had to make new friends, it took me three years to find them, but I have them now and I LOVE them. The thought of having to make more new friends sounds exhausting and frankly, I just don't want to. Why should I have to get new friends? I like the friends I have now, that's why they're my friends! Even if I made new friends, I would always be comparing them to my Eugene friends (which I will always love better). Additionally, I have this immature fear that when we move my friends will replace me. They will make new friends that they will do all of the same stuff with and have more fun with and like better. When I think about it rationally I know that this is probably not true but I can't convince my irrational, weeping heart to feel that way. I'm jealous that all of my friends get to keep being near each other and doing friends stuff. I want to do friends stuff too! I also don't want to hear "Seattle is not that far away," It's not that far in the grand scheme of things but it is far enough. Far enough to put a serious damper on our quadruple-weekly meals together.

Lastly, I love my Ducks. I am a person who doesn't particularly care to watch sports. However, since I moved to Eugene four years ago, my love for my football team has grown immensely. I am very invested in how the do (which is funny to think about--why be so invested in something that I have no control over?) and I will desperately miss the sense of community that exists on game days in Eugene. Ever since January's National Championship I have been waiting and waiting for football season to begin again. It is something I can look forward to almost every week for all of autumn. Today was the Ducks first preseason game against LSU. It was a horrible game. We had 4 turnovers, hideous mistakes, bad calls, and inumerable penalties. What the freak? We lost 33-20 and it was mostly our own fault. As Chip Kelly said, we were "shooting ourselves in the foot" over and over and over. I was really hoping for the little pick-me-up this game would give me and I didn't get it. Boo.

Over and out.

Patriotism?

On this Independence Day Eve as I sit here in bed next to my dear husband with windows open to the sound of popping and crackling fireworks, I find myself contemplating the subject of my own patriotism. As a child, Independence Day, aka the 4th of July, meant barbequeing, fireworks, staying up late, and playing outside all day; in school we sang songs such as "America the Beautiful" and "Grand Old Flag." Now, as an adult I find that this day has very little meaning other than a day off with friends and family on which we barbeque and play badmitten, possibly lighting a sparkler or two. Of course I appreciate what our forefathers and mothers went through to gain independece for this country. I also recognize that we are very priveleged to live in a country with many freedoms and luxuries. But, at this particular time of year I find myself (internally) scoffing at those whose patriotism more closely resembles nationalism, at those who believe that this great country is the be-all-end-all of places on this planet, and at those who are under the impression that this country and all of its "interactions" with other countries are correct and even sanctioned from a higher power. We are not the only country with the freedom of religion, the freedom of press, or the freedom of self-expression. I am tired of hearing (at church in particular) "thank goodness God created this country where we could practice religion freely," as if we are the only ones! Many countries contain happy citizens of all types--several of them doing better than we are now.

Sometimes I just want to shout out and remind people of some of the atrocities in this country's past, to bring them back to the reality that yes, this country has a lot going for it, but no, it is not perfect. We must remember our mistakes in order to avoid repeating them. In heeding the call of manifest destiny, our anscestor's God-given right to move West and settle throughout the continent resulted in the slaughtering and displacement of hundreds of thousands of Native Americans. Less than fifty years ago this country was one of segregated schools, buses, and benches. In this past two decades, many women still fought for the right to earn equal pay for equal work. The gap between the rich and the poor is increasing. Big corporations are recieving tax breaks. Our air and waterways are polluted daily by cars, factories, and oil spills. We have now been at war for an entire decade--WAR.

I believe that true patriotism should be demonstrated not by spending loads of money and resources on fireworks and flag-covered t-shirts and visors, but by taking steps to continue to heal this country's wounds. We should be out planting trees and picking up litter. We should be feeding the homeless. We should be supporting our leader's efforts to bring home our troops. We should also be remembering. We should remember the struggle that our ancestors went through to gain independence, but we should also remember the trials we have been through as a people. We should respect and honor those who have been wronged in the past and renew our efforts to change things for the better. These are the things that make a true patriot.

While I find myself troubled in regards to patriotism for my country, I am absolutely brimming with patriotism for my state. Oregon! My Oregon! I love Oregon with it's beautiful landscapes--its vallies, deserts, mountains, lakes, rivers, and seashore.  I love the green trees, the clean water, and the nice people here. I feel a kinship with my fellow Oregonians; I often feel quite close to Washintonians and northern Californians as well. I don't however feel any sort of companionship to New Yorkers, Wisconsonites, Floridians, or people from other parts of the country. Sure I don't want anything bad to happen to them, but I don't feel any more connected to them than people from Canada, Argentina, or Japan. Frankly, and you may think I am horrible for saying so, I think this country is just too big. There is too much diversity here to be effectively managed and governed by one body. People and places in different parts of the country have different needs--no one system can successfully meet them all.

At times when I struggle with the flaws of the nation, I retreat to a land that will likely never exist, but gives me great solace. Ernest Callenbach, author of one of my favorite books Ecotopia, wrote a story in which Oregon, Washington, and northern California secede from the union and form their own country. This country is beautiful and sustainable. People are friendly and trustworthy. People are in charge, not corporations. I want to live in Ecotopia. I could be an unwavering and faithful patriot of Ecotopia.