Feeling Sorry for Myself

Somehow I thought that once we made it to Eugene everything would be great and nearly perfect. I thought we would see an immediate end to being so completely poor. I thought we'd be snug as bugs in our new little house full of furniture and decorations.

False.

I could not have been more wrong. My current attitude is admittedly sour, my demeanor resolutely dour. I am so glad we went on our trip to Hawaii, I would make the same decision again. Really as far as tropical, foreign-feeling vacations go it wasn't really that expensive. However, when you go on a graduate school budget it can really break the bank.

As it turns out, we are going to be really super poor for another three months or so. Luckily, thanks to generous Christmas donations from family members, we were able to buy a bed. Whew. So we have a bed, a couch, and a kitchen table. We don't have a microwave, a dresser, nightstands, a coffee table, tv stand, desk, etc. The list goes on and on. I know that I should be focusing on what we do have and I should be grateful that Ricky has a job. I am but I'm having a hard time.

Ricky starts work on Wednesday and will be busy learning how to do his new job. I'll be sitting at home in this lonely, empty house with nothing to do. Yes I can take Lucy on a walk or to the park. We have cable but there is never anything on. I'm looking for a job but I can't find one. We are too poor to join a gym, so I can't swim. We are too poor for me to take a ceramics class. It's the dead of winter so outdoor activities aren't at their most appealing.

What do I do? Stop feeling sorry for myself and pretend like the next three months are going to be great? I will sure try. When we moved to Seattle I was really lonely and depressed. I had our tiny apartment furnished and decorated within about three weeks though, so at least our home felt really cozy and friendly. I struggle with how much I am affected by my environment. I fear that the barrenness of this house will be a constant reminder of my lonliness and my struggle to adjust.

I know we will be fine, we'll make it, we'll look back on this with fondness, bleh, bleh, bleh. Sometimes I just want to feel how I feel without anyone telling me why I should feel differently. It's all a process. A crappy process.

Where are You Christmas?

Well friends, I've had a really tough time getting into the Christmas spirit this year. First it was my 3-week cold that had me down, then it was all of the effort I had to put into the move from Seattle to Eugene. I thought for sure I'd feel Christmasy once we made it to Eugene but we were only here for 3 days before heading to Hawaii and Christmas just doesn't happen in July. In Hawaii there was Christmas musc playing on the radio and trees decorated with bells and baubles but it all felt really fake because of the 75 degree weather, the sunshine, and palms. I had an amazing time in Hawaii but I was too busy relaxing and enjoying my mid-winter's summer to think about Christmas.

Now that it is Christmas Eve, I wish I could say I was feeling that Christmas joy. Instead I've been filled with extreme worry and stress. One of my very closest friends, Motion deSmiths, has been in labor with her first child since Friday morning. She planned to have a home-birth with a midwife, and while she labored at home until late last night, they finally decided to go to the hospital. I couldn't think about anything but her and the baby in church yesterday and have been frought with worry. I've been getting occasional updates from the dad but they are much too few and far between.

We are supposed to leave to head up to Salem in an hour and a half but I don't know that I can go until I get confirmation that mom and baby are healthy and no longer attached to one another.

To tell you the truth, the birth of this little boy has been consuming my thoughts much more than the birth of our Savior. I know that Jesus is safe and happy, now I want my friend to be safe and healthy with her child too. There are many people sending up prayers for this little family right now, please add yours to the mix if you can.

Merry Christmas Eve.

Oahu Day Six

Today was our last day here on Oahu and needless to say, I am sad to leave. We made the very most of our last day on the island and had a grand time. We headed up to the north shore of the island in the morning to pick up some last minute souveniers in Hale'iwa. We stopped along the way to see the sea turtles one last time. There weren't any on shore but a few of them waved at us from the shallow water.

Next we made our way to Shark's Cove for another snorkeling adventure. I actually liked Shark's Cove a lot better than Hanauma Bay. It was a little bit deeper with more small sandy patches so you felt less like you were going to beach yourself or get stabbed by coral. We saw some really awesome fish that we didn't see at Hanauma, including some big trumpet fish, a spotted toby, a moorish idol, and a blue-spine unicorn fish. I'm so glad we snorkeled again, it was one of my favorite things of the week.

We stopped to feed our famished bodies at Ted's Bakery again. We ladies had pulled pork sandwiches and the gentlemen ate mahi mahi sandwiches (these were apparently delicious but we took their word for it).

As soon as we returned to our little house we headed out for another lengthy bout of sunning our pale selves on the beach. I think we all needed that sun and relaxation and I really feel as if I've been recharged by it all.

Our alarm is set for 4:45 am Hawaii time. We do not want to get on the plane. Boo. I am really going to miss our breezy room with windows on three walls. I'm going to miss falling asleep to the sounds of the ocean and the palms swaying. I will miss waking up gradually as the sun rises slowly through our windows. Ah well, we will return someday. At least I get to take my tan with me. ;)

Oahu Day Five

Alright readers, get ready for a really short post about my day. I lounged on the beach outside our house ALL day. Really. I occasionally went in the house for food or water but otherwise lounged on the beach reading, snoozing, or talking to Emily. I took small, "walk down the beach" breaks to look for beach glass and seashells and took the occasional dip in the ocean but other than that all I did was lie there and sun myself. It was glorious.

Oahu Day Four

Our gecko friend greeted me again this morning on the hallway floor. I discovered that she is living in the linen closet on the floor; at least, that is where she always goes to hide. It's like having a substitute for Lucy, only not so cute or cuddly or big. I sure do miss my big brown dog and, although I will be so sad to leave Hawaii, I can't wait to pick her up on Saturday.

We awoke at the crack of dawn this morning. It was our first time setting an alarm to get up in the morning since we've been here--I've been waking up automatically between 7:30 and 8:30. We woke up early so we could go to see Pearl Harbor before it grew too crowded. Upon arrival we first toured the two little museums they had. Out of all of the historical happenings in this world my knowledge of WWII is probably the strongest of anything but I still learned some new and interesting details. At 9:00 we boarded the little boat that drove us out to the USS Arizona Memorial. Being there was a solemn and sad experience, despite the lovliness of the weather and the rainbow arching over us. I stood looking over the railing at the coral-covered remnants of the ship and thought about the lives lost in the attack on Pearl Harbor. I also thought about all of the people that have died in various tradgedies around the world that don't get the same honor that Pearl Harbor's victims do. I felt sad for the victims of starvation, sex trafficking, and mass disease outbreaks. I mourned the native peoples around the world that have been killed or kicked off of their land by colonizing countries. I felt sad for the kids that were killed in Sandy Brook Elementary. I'm glad we visited the memorial despite all of the saddness.

 

After we were deposited back onto shore by our naval guides we decided to shift the tone of the day by  going to the "swap meet." This so-called swap meet was in fact a ginormous group of tented awnings whose venders sold every Hawaiian knick-knack the heart could want. We perused them all and bought very little but it was definitely interesting to see.

The best part of the day for me was our snorkeling trip to Hanauma Bay. The mask and snorkel took a little bit to get used to but once I got the hang of things I cruised along quite nicely. The water was really shallow, at times too shallow. I kept feeling like I was going to beach myself on top of the coral. I cut my hand pretty badly on the coral within 5 minutes of getting in the water but the lifegaurd gave me a bandaid and I waded back into the water. 

It was awesome being SO close to fish that I love. I could have reached out and touched some of them if I wanted (but of course I would never do something so rude). Nearly all of the fish were the same types as my tropical fishy friends from the aquarium so I was able to identify almost all of them in my head. We saw tons of tangs such as convict tangs, orange-shoulder tangs, lavender tangs, sailfin tangs, and orange-spine tangs, butterfly fish, wrasses, and a super cute wedge-tail triggerfish. I loved it. I was nerding out left and right and feeling really cool for knowing what types of fish I was seeing. 

We made dinner at our beachy house and lounged around reading for the rest of the evening. We are hoping for some serious sunshine action tomorrow for a lazy, beachy day here at Ewa Beach.

Oahu Day Three

This morning a tiny gecko greeted me in our bathroom. It was so cute, just hanging out near our toothbrushes, about the length of a playing card. 

We drove to the south-east side of the island this morning and went on a spectacular hike at Maunawili Falls. I have never been surrounded by such beautiful scenery. There were vines wrapping around the trees and hanging down from amongst the branches. I kept expecting monkeys or sloths to come climbing down to greet me. The bird sounds were unreal; I wish I had a tape recorder so that I could take those sounds home. I was bringing up the rear of the pack for most of the hike because I kept stopping to stand in awe at my surroundings.

Our pathway climbed up and then down and crossed a creek multiple times. At the top of the bluff we were rewarded with a beautiful view of the green, sculpted mountains around us. I could have sat there forever, looking at the view. Ricky really wanted to see a dinosaur come out of the mist but we had no such luck.

Our hike led us to a lovely little waterfall that trickled down to fill a fresh-water pool. Ricky and Chris had a blast jumping off of the rocks into the pool, which freaked me out. I was happy to see Ricky having so much fun though. I waded into the pool and swam around a bit and, after much coaxing from Ricky, allowed the tiny fish to nibble at my toes. Apparently in some countries people pay a lot of money for such services. :) Swimming in a hidden, waterfall-fed pool in a tropical jungle was on my bucket list so I was pleased to have that opportunity in such a gorgeous place.

Our plan had been to snorkel at Hanama Bay after lunch today but when we drove there we found out that it is closed on Tuesdays! Boo. We'll go on a different day this week instead. We drove to a viewpoint instead and then found a beach to swim at. The waves were bigger today and it clouded over a bit toward late afternoon but we still had a salty, good time. I still can't get over the beautiful blues of the water. Everything here is so different and lovely; I continue to be enamored by the giant leaves, coconuts on the ground, and geckos in my bathroom.

Aloha for tonight my friends! Hope you're enjoying your wintery weather up north!

Oahu Day Two

Today was less stellar than yesterday, mostly because of the little tropical storm we experienced on the north shore. It's so odd having it be rainy, super windy, but oddly warm. We still managed a decent time but I want sunshine, darn it!

Ricky and I rolled out of bed and into swimsuits this morning. We walked the 30 or so steps to the beach and had a little swim, afterwhich we lounged on the beach until breakfast. I still haven't grown accustomed to all of the sounds from our house: waves, rustling palm leaves, etc. I'm used to the trains and ships by our house in Seattle.

Our first stop on the road today was a shrimp truck on the north shore (I had a hotdog). Ricky and Chris shared a couple different types of shrimp, made a mess and licked their fingers. Ricky said that it was the best shrimp he had ever eaten. :)

After lunch we spent the entire rest of the day at the Polynesian Cultural Center. We spent the afternoon wandering around and visiting the different "islands" and seeing the various ways they represented their cultures. We saw a Samoan climb to the top of a coconut tree, listened to some awesome Tongan drumming, had a few little dance lessons, and listened to a group of Aotearoans sing so beautifully that I was moved to tears.

In the evening we went to the luau. This bit was pretty cheesy; it felt about as far from authentic as could be. The pork was pretty tasty nonetheless. After dinner we hung about until it was time for the big show where all of the Pacific Island nations were represented through music and dancing. It was pretty neat to see the different types of clothing and hear about the different traditions that each nation has. The most awesome part was probably the flame throwers--totally epic. And I must say, I've never seen so many shirtless, tan, muscular, well-oiled men in all my life...merry Christmas!

Tomorrow we are hoping to snorkel at Hanama Bay and do a hike. I sure hope the weather improves because I want to see ALL of the fish.

Oahu Day One

Today I awoke to the sound of palm trees rustling in the wind, waves crashing on the shore and the curtains blowing in our breezy Hawaiian room. I woke up early on Hawaiian time, partially because I hadn't slept well and partially because of the foreign sounds. We spent a relaxing morning in our beach house inhaling the warm tropical air. After breakfast we climbed in the car, swimsuits in hand, and headed to Oahu's North Shore. I was immediately enthralled by the flora and fauna that surrounded me. I excalimed continually from the back seat, "look at that tree! Look at THAT tree! Oooo, pretty bird!" The Pacific Northwest is my home and my muse but the different plants and animals here have me enthralled.

Our first stop was brief, but completely worth it. We hopped out of the car and crossed the street onto a small beach where I had my first sea turtle encounter! This sighting was one that was on my list of must sees  for our trip and I was ecstatic to start things off with something so amazing.

After ripping myself away from the turtle we continued on to visit the temple, where I saw some seriously beautiful flowers and climbed an enormous tree. We grabbed lunch at Ted's, home of the original chocolate-haupia cream pie. With stomachs full of burgers and fries we headed to Waimea Bay for sun and swim.

It was glorious. Glorious! The sand is warm and thick; it's just the right balance between soft and coarse. We plopped our towles down on the beach and ran toward the water. I see why people call this place "Paradise." We swam and sunned and swam and sunned for several hours. I was so content and relaxed, if someone refilled my water and brought me food I could have stayed there all day. Ricky actually fell asleep with his head under his towel.

To cool off we grabbed snow cones in Hale'Iwa and perused the local shops. We ate Thai food for dinner and then made the journey back to our temporary home in Ewa Beach. We are relaxing, reclining and feeling grateful for the showers that relieved our bodies of invading sand. The air is perfectly warm and sweet. Sometimes the air is scented ever so slightly with flowers. I can't wait to fall asleep, rest, and see and do more wonderful things tomorrow. This is going to be a truly amazing week.

Seattle to Eugene

Well, the big move finally happened. Since I was super sick for over a week before the move and Ricky was doing finals, packing was really hard and really stressful. I am actually pretty surprised at how tough I was through the whole thing; I didn't actually have any meltdowns until Monday, the day before the move. I only cried twice, once when a glass Christmas ornament, made by a dear friend who lives far away, fell on the ground and shattered. The other time I cried was when Ricky told me that there wasn't going to be room for my piano in the UHaul--disappointment. Saying goodbye to the Deckers, our faux family in Seattle, was a sad, sad thing. Living essentially in the same house with another family for over a year is an intimate thing. I love those little girls upstairs and they love me, I can't wait to visit and see how they've grown.

On moving day I was running on very little sleep and was so glad that my dad was there to drive our car so I didn't have to. We traversed the pacific northwest through high winds, pouring rains, traffic, and survived an hour long wait at a dark and rainy rest stop because the keys got locked in the UHaul. We made it to Eugene 5 hours later than we had planned, brought the boxes inside, and collapsed.

Our new home doesn't quite feel like home yet. Lucy and I were here alone for two days while Ricky drove back up to Seattle to finish his last final exam. I was without a husband, car, internet, and food and was lucky to have some very sweet friends help me out until Ricky returned. With my husband home safely, masters degree secured, we have been doing all of the tedious tasks required by moving. I am so exhausted I could cry. We don't have a bed yet either, which makes recovering from illness and adjusting to this new home even more tough.

Lucy loves her new yard. She asks to go out there first thing in the morning, eats grass, barfs, eats more grass, runs around like a crazy-sauce, and then suns herself on the damp deck. I've been promising her a yard of her own for 3 years and am so happy to finally be able to follow through. She is being a real doggy dog now and I love watching her have fun.

Tomorrow afternoon we fly from Eugene to Honolulu. I really am so excited; I've been looking forward to it for many a month now. Unfortunately with all of the stress we've been going through, we haven't been able to prepare for the trip quite like I would have wanted. I am also feeling pretty upset about the shooting in Conneticut today. This is by far the worst one that's happened in years--seriously, little children? My poor over-emotional, severely sentimental heart has been aching all day for those poor children and families. The shooting in Clakamas on Tuesday was bad enough but this is truly unbelievable. Of course, the activist in me is screaming for a gun ban. I read some completely asinine comments on facebook today in reaction to the shooting. People are saying things like "the teachers should all carry guns, then things like this wouldn't happen." Really, that's your solution, MORE guns?? I'm sorry but adding more guns into the mix, putting a bunch of guns into schools is the worst idea I've ever heard. I really cannot stand those far-right second-amendment protecting people. That's the truth, I can't stand them. If this country was in my hands, manufacturing of guns would have stopped a long time ago. The only guns in this country would be possessed by military and special arms units. Hunters would have to go through a rigorous and strict process to possess a hunting rifle, to be used strictly in hunting season (even though I'm not a fan of hunting). Assault rifles would not exist. Police would not carry guns. Hand guns would also not exist. Why does anybody think they need a gun that fires off 100 shots in a minute or two? Those types of guns were made for one purpose--killing people. How many children have to die before people wake up and smell the roses? Guns are bad. Period. This is not a conversation, just a fact.

I hope that when I get on the plane tomorrow and arrive in tropical paradise that I will be able to leave these worries behind me, at least for a week.

Crooked

This past week has been a complete waste of my life. This is my last week in Seattle and I've spent it lying in bed like a reject. It all started last Monday when my neck started hurting (more than the usual amount). I thought it was just going to be one of those days where you have a kink in your neck and it gets better in a day or two. FALSE. It kept hurting and hurting and not getting better all week. I couldn't gather the energy to do much of anything--didn't swim, didn't start packing. Finally on Sunday I sucked it up and paid to get a massage. Ninety minutes later I was looking into the face of a masseuse who was telling me that I needed to go to a chiropractor. What? A Chiropractor? Surely she must be joking, chiropractors are only for people that have broken necks and stuff.

As I left the massage clinic I started getting my usual nasty menstrual cramps as well as a migraine. What the heck? So the next day, Monday, I made an appointment at Magnolia Chiropractic to see Dr. Penner. I told him I was super nervous that he was going to snap my neck and paralyze me. He promised he would definitely not let that happen. He took some x-rays of my neck for free (which was awesome) and then adjusted my neck, shoulders, and low back. The range of motion in my neck immediately improved and my pain decreased by about 50%. He told me to come back on Thursday (today) for another adjustment and to go over my x-rays. As I walked out of his office I said to Ricky "I feel like I might be coming down with something, my throat hurts." Sure enough, a couple of hours later I was down and out with a horrible nasty cold. On Tuesday I took three separate naps and only got out of bed to pee. I missed the trip to the Seattle Art Museum that Ricky had promised me. I didn't pack anything at all until yesterday and even then only packed the books.

This morning my cold moved into the gross coughing phase. My throat kills, my left eye is weepy and goopy, and both of my ears ache. I went to see Dr. Pener again anyways for my follow-up appointment. I wasn't nervous this time, so I guess that was an improvement. He did another adjustment and then had me come look at the x-rays. So, not only does my cervical spine lean to the right, the C-shape curve that a normal cervical spine should have is completely backwards on me. Not good. No wonder I complain about my neck hurting all of the time. Anyways, chiropractors are going to have to be a significant part of my life now if I don't want my spine to start deteriorating prematurely. This sucks.

Who will come and pack my life into boxes?

Fabric

Well folks, I did it. I designed my own fabric and I couldn't be more pleased with myself.

I am really into the look of hand-stamped textiles right now. I like the inconsistencies, imperfections, and surprises that come with it. The three fabrics I've created so far are all from stamps that I designed and carved myself. I started off with fabrics that are only black and white because I wanted to keep it simple. I like how they turned out and am so excited to get my samples in the mail!

If you like my fabrics, go to spoonflower.com and "like"them, thanks!

http://www.spoonflower.com/fabric/1596258

http://www.spoonflower.com/fabric/1596341

http://www.spoonflower.com/fabric/1596305

Building a Life in Eugene

All right friends in Eugene, I need some help and suggestions. Our move back home is now less than a month from now and we need to get some things figured out when we get there. Since we plan on being in Eugene for the foreseeable future we need to get set up with some support.

Here are the things that I would really appreciate advice/recommendations on:

1) Family practice doctor: I have had the same doctor since I was cookin' in my mother's womb. Our whole family always went to the same doctor whenever we were sick. I would love to find a doctor in Eugene that our whole family can go to.

2) Dentist: Like my doctor, I have only ever been to one dentist. He retired this year so I would like us to find a good dentist in Eugene.

3) OBGYN: We plan on trying to conceive in less than a year so I need a good OBGYN. I am open to both male and female doctors but need a doctor who is awesome at communicating, offering me information, that will listen to me and encourage me to ask questions.

4) Gym: We want to get a gym membership when we get there. Our requirements are decent hours (open later than 8pm), indoor pool, nice/clean locker rooms, good/plentiful equipment for working out, group classes such as yoga, zumba, centergy, etc. Oh, and it can't be far away or else we won't go.

5) I am also taking suggestions for an energy efficient washer and dryer and an electric lawn mower.

Whirlwind Weekend

I know you are all sitting on pins and needles as you wait to hear whether or not we found some semi-permanent lodgings in Eugene yet...and we did!

On Friday afternoon we drove down to Salem and skidded into town just in time to get to my sister's high school musical. They performed Grease which, despite my feeling like it was almost too risque for high schoolers to perform, was awesome! They did a fantastic job and Kellin was a star.

Next morning we hopped into the car and made our way down to the promised land, Eugene. We had an appointment to meet with the lady who managed the property we were looking at at 10:30am. Despite some ugly shades of paint on a few interior walls and oldish kitchen appliances, we really liked the place. The two-bedroom duplex has a pretty big yard, laminate wood floors throughout, a nice brick fireplace, windows that are far bigger than our current ones, and a garage. The neighborhood is as friendly as any can look in November gloom and is only a hop, skip and a jump to Ricky's new job. We signed the paperwork and put down a deposit before leaving town that day. It feels great to have that all settled and squared away.

Saturday afternoon I was able to attend a dear friend's baby shower. It was definitely the best baby shower I have ever been to. It was a luncheon with delicious savories and treats and the only "game" was a hilarious mad-lib that the hostess put together about the birth. It felt so lovely to be surrounded by almost all of my good Eugene friends, it made me look forward to moving home that much more.

We left Eugene at 4pm, drove back to Seattle and watched the end of the Ducks stomping on Cal. The two remaining weekend days were much less adventurous but we made it out the other side. Hooray for not being homeless in Eugene!

A Cousin Nonetheless

My baby cousin Lynlee left this world on Saturday and returned to Heavenly Father. Lynlee fought valiantly while she was here and gave us all a lesson in faith. Thank-you for all of you who sent up prayers of comfort and hopefulness on behlaf of her and her family; those prayers were felt and appreciated. We are all sad that we didn't have time to get to know Lynlee and see her grow up and look forward to having that privilege beyond the veil.

I wasn't able to meet Lynlee during her sojourn in this life but she is my dear little cousin just the same and I will sorely miss her.

Please continue to pray for Lynlee's parents Aaron and Joy, and her big brother Dallin as they grieve during this time.

Spectacular, Spectacular!

Last Tuesday night we had the priveledge of seeing Wicked at the Paramount Theatre here in Seattle. I'm pretty sure this is only the second real musical I have ever seen, the first being Sweeny Todd. It was spectacular! Both of the female leads were excellent and the set was really cool too. I loved the big steampunkish dragon that was above the stage. We had great seats and could hear well. While I knew that the story was supposed to be a background story about the witches from The Wizard of Oz, I purposefully didn't read a synopses of the story beforehand so that I could be surprised. I am so glad I made that choice! The story, songs, characters, everything was new to me which made it all the more exciting.  I really liked the story too, I'm glad it was centered on friendship instead of romance--nice change of pace. I think they included just the right amount of references to the movie's plot, which helped me stay on track with the timeline. It was funny, the music was awesome, and I loved it all.

The other awesome thing we did last week was try butterbeer (yes, like from Harry Potter). It was hands down the most delicious beverage I have ever imbibed. The mix of warm, foamy butterscotch, cider, and ginger was so wonderful! If any of you come back to visit us in our last month here we will take you to get some. Meanwhile, I'll see if I can coax some semblance of a recipe out of one of the employes at Hot Cakes (the place where we had it).

Winning!

It feels good when the Ducks win a football game. It feels way better when your candidate wins the presidential election. This is the second election I've been able to vote in, both times I voted for Barack Obama, both times he won. I love it. I'm sorry for all of my friends and family that are feeling sad right now but I can't pretend I'm sorry about the outcome of this race.

I'm singing a song that always gets stuck in my head when I'm feeling happy and spazy,"I'm high as a kite, I just might stop to check you out!" And a lot of people here in the great state of Washington might actually be high pretty soon here. By casting my ballot I helped legalize marijuana AND gay marriage. Woohoo!

I'm happy this election cycle is finally over, as I'm sure you all are. I'm happy I have another four years under a democratic president. I'm happy I won't have to buy one of those bumper stickers that says "Republicans for Voldemort."

P.S. Don't rag on my cheeriness if you're a Romney fan, keep that to your own blog pretty please.

Imperfect

I was on a low last week. It happens to the best of us I'm afraid. I knew things weren't really right with me but in a break down with Ricky on Thursday night I acknowledged the depression that had been eating away at me. The inability to fall asleep at night and then sleeping until 12:30 pm should have been a dead giveaway but I had been ignoring it.

We talked through things and decided that I needed some motivation. Playing the housewife really takes an emotional toll on my sense of worth that I apparently have a hard time dealing with. So, I'm throwing myself head first into art. Yes, ART. I have been hoarding a rolladex of ideas and images in my head for many moons but lacked the courage to expose them, until now.

It's a long and complicated process but my goal is to design fabrics and then use the fabrics to make other things. I'm feeling really inspired and motivated right now and I'm trying to ride that for as long as I can. More details to come regarding my eventual success or failure in theis endeavor.

Meanwhile I am learning to accept and even embrace imperfection. I'm learning to look at a would-be flaw in a new light and to love the quirks of my work. I continually have to widen my eyes, walk away, come back, and then widen my eyes again. It's proving therapeutic and enjoyable. Wish me luck.

Plea for Prayers

I'll be brief. My aunt just had a baby today that is in dire straights. Although her pregnancy was normal and ultrasounds revealed nothing of concern, little Lynlee was born with her intestines in the spot where her lungs are supposed to be. Needless to say, her lungs did not really develop well. She was life-flighted to a pediatric hospital and is undergoing surgery.

Please, please pray for the baby and her family during this awful and scary time.

Thanks,
L

Babes in Frocks

This particular rant is brought to you by the letters B, C and G.

B is for Baby.
C is for Clothing.
G is for Gendered.

Today started off poorly. We got up and took my computer for a visit to the "genius bar" at the Mac store. A few days ago my computer...got dropped/knocked off the couch by someone. The someone who was using my computer was not me and not Lucy. I'll let you deduce who did it. Anyways, Wall-E, my computer now has about 1/4 of the screen that has a white semi-transparent overlay on it, making it difficult to see what's under there. I did a really excellent job of not getting mad about the situation and stayed calm and forgiving, until this morning when they told me it would cost $400 to fix. F. No.

So I was pretty pissed off. On the way home from that ordeal we swung by Goodwill to grab a 1 cup measuring cup to scoop Lucy's food because the one we used for that before was left at the Country Hound Inn by accident. Since Ricky knew I was really upset he was being extra nice and asked if I wanted to look at anything else at Goodwill. As a matter of fact I did, so I marched over to the baby section, hoping to cheer my spirits with thoughts of wee ones (I'll get to my point shortly).

To my dismay, although not surprise, all of the baby clothing was awful. A quiet rant has been simmering about this in my head for going on two years now and it's time a let it out. I hate, HATE how all of the baby clothing is so overly gendered. Every boy item is littered with sports equipment or references, tools or construction equipment, cars, or ugly animals. Every girl item has bows or flowers on it or is a nasty shade of pastel pink or yellow.

Why is there such a need in our society to have your infant instantly recognized as a boy or girl? Why are the things that represnt a gender so meaningless? Why do people feel the need to shove their children into gender stereotypes before they can even talk?

I can handle and even enjoy some floral print on girl clothing; I wear and love floral prints. I hate the boy clothes the most because they try to be so macho. If we are going to dress our children in clothing with graphics on them, shouldn't they be of things that we want them to love and enjoy, like nature? Or if we want to try to shove them into an interest at age zero, why isn't it music instead of sports or cars? I have yet to see any baby clothing with pictures of pianos or cellos on it.

I also hate almost all pastels. I'm not saying that I can't enjoy a good lilac or soft blue, but pastels are mostly barfy colors. Why do we think babies clothes/toys/rooms should be all pastel? Is that supposed to be soothing? I think it's just nauseating. We all know that I love animals and don't shy away from clothing, decor, etc. with animals depicted on it. However, why is it that most animals depicted on baby clothes or textiles are all cartoony (not in an artsy way) and dumb? I would rather have no animals at all than these weird cartoon versions of animals.

Lastly, I can't help but roll my eyes when parents dress their children in adult-type clothing. You're 3-month old looks hellishly uncomfortable and awkward in a suit and tie. Babies should not wear jeans. Jeans are uncomfortable for small children, I remember. They feel stiff and they cut into your tummy and they let a breeze up the leg. No baby jeans. As far as I am concerned, babies should wear onsies and leggings all of the time, with a cozy pullover sweater if it's cold*. The snaps of the onsies are essential because babies are constantly picked up--I hate to see babies whose shirts are up to their armpits with their tummies hanging out, it looks so uncomfortable, not to mention cold. Babies are supposed to look snuggly and comfortable. Dresses are fine on baby girls, but mostly for special outings or church, or if there is a onsie underneath.

So that is my rant about baby clothing. Obviously I am no baby expert since I don't have one of my own but I have two eyes and have seen enough barfy/gendered/uncomfortable looking baby clothes for a lifetime.


*See my future baby pinterest board for good ideas on how to dress your baby.
http://pinterest.com/laurenmh/future-baby-things/

I Honestly Want to Know

I hate the dynamic I feel on facebook during an election cycle. Everyone is posting nasty things about the opposing candidate and people get in arguments, etc. I hate getting on facebook and immediately feeling negative feelings toward people that I love because I cannot possibly understand how they could think what they think.

So I am asking you, republicans in my life, those of you who plan on voting for Mitt Romney, why? I honestly want to know your particular reasons for supporting Romney and why you think he should be our president for the next four years. I want to get inside the heads of some people that I love dearly so that I don't have to continue hiding them from my facebook feed.

Here are the rules: I don't want to hear why you hate Obama, why you don't like Obama's policies, or anything super negative. I want to hear why you do support Romney, not why you don't support Obama. Clear?

Also, please comment here on the blog, not facebook. And please be kind to one another.

Your Two Minutes is Long Gone

If the presidential debates don't make you squirm I don't know what will. Not only is it uncomfortable to hear all the lies, outlandish "facts," and to watch two grown men berate each other for an hour and a half, I feel for both of them on a human level. Gosh it must be terrible to get up in front of the entire country and try to prove why you should be allowed to run this country, while meanwhile the guy standing next to you is allowed to criticize you and call you an amoral liar every 2 minutes. I feel for both Obama and Romney for having to be in that type of situation. It's the closest thing to the Hunger Games I've watched for a while. I guess it takes a really strong stomach to be a politician, one that I certainly don't have.

Despite my tendencies to be loud, opinionated and unyeilding I watched the debates with as much of an open mind as I could muster. Really I think (and my opinion is the only one that matters right now) that I did a pretty good job. I'm a democrat and I voted for Obama in 2008 but that does not mean that I am perfectly content with the way things have gone over the past four years. I am willing to admit to Obama's failures. I really wanted to evaluate whether or not whether or not the Obama-Biden sticker on my car's back window deserves to be there. Here is my analysis:

• I hate vaugue fluff. It comes up most often when evaluating someone's writing but I get so irate when I read or listen to a paragraph of someone's speech and don't feel like I learned anything. I understand stylistic writing and I greatly appreciate when someone gives me background information before jumping to their point. However, the thing that bothered me the most during the debates was candidates' failures to directly answer the questions that were being asked and to do so with specificity. When someone says "Gov. Romney, what is your tax plan?" I don't want to hear about how Obama's tax plan is a fail followed by a sweeping statement about how you (Romney) want to stop squeezing the middle class. I want to hear about what exactly your plan is, and where you will find the money to support your promises. While both candidates did their fair share of avoiding the questions and answering vaguely I honestly think that Romney was the bigger culprit here.
• Obviously we all vote for the candidate that will best represent our own views and that places most emphasis on the particular topics that are most important to us. Some of us are focused most on the economy, some on health care, some on social issues and for me it's the environment (big surprise, right?). I believe in big government regulations that protect public lands, nature and endangered/threatened species. These things need the voice of big government to represent them because they cannot speak (in English) for themselves. I believe in the protection of the commons and am eager for the government to push a sustainable energy future. I don't care if I have to pay $10/gallon in gas if helps this country transition to a sustainable future. I'm not willing to bend over backwards for oil companies. It was crystal clear in the debates that President Obama's policies on sustainable energy and environmental protection come far closer to meeting my own standards than Gov. Romney's do. The way that Romney talked about wind and solar energy as an afterthought was a big turn off for me.
• I think that Mitt Romney is probably not a bad guy. I'm sure he's nice and I'm sure he really means well. I also get the feeling that he is out of touch with reality. You can study up on what it's like to be poor or middle class all you want but that won't really help you relate to people on the ground. I admire how much he believes in free enterprise and I agree that it allows some people to pull themselves out of poverty. But some people just can't succeed without more help. I think that the government should play a larger role in creating a framework for everyone to have what they need than Romney is willing to put in place. I am willing to sacrifice more so that the poor, elderly, handicapped, and children in this country can survive. I'm a little bit of a socialist (gasp!) and while Obama is not a socailist (no, he's not), his social policies align more with the "take care of everyone" side of things than Romney's do.
• Last but certainly not least. Romney's view of and policies regarding women's rights, women's health care and also gay rights are severely lacking. Whether Romney's religious institution has too deeply ingrained a sexist idea of women in his mind or he is just trying to please his constituency I do not know. I do know that he seems far more out of touch with what women actually need than Obama does. I believe that all women should have free access to contraceptives. Romney said that all women should have access to contraceptives but he left out the word "free"...pretty cruicial. Also, cutting funding for planned parenthood? Really? I won't get into all the reasons why that's a bad idea. 

So the Obama-Biden sticker will remain on my car window. I could never vote for someone who's plans and policies seem so unclear and unrealistic. I can't vote for someone who cares so little for our non-human brothers and sisters. I won't vote for someone who's view of women is awkwardly midieval.

Obama-Biden 2012

Just Keep Swimming

Well friends, things have been going smoothly here in the Holton household. During our week down in Eugene this month Ricky officially began his new career. Woohoo! I had planned on being productive with my time while we were there but I realized it was just too soon to look for housing/employment for me, so instead I played with friends.

September brought with it an unusual allotment of sunshiny days here in Seattle. I keep waking up in the morning expecting to need a coat and boots but I keep being wrong. I don't like to be wrong and I don't like to be too hot outside in autumn. Yes, I am probably one of very few souls who actually prays for it to cool down, be overcast and act like the PNW that I'm used to. Along with those too-blue-for-their-own-good skies, September brought a new season of football for our Ducks as well as the start of Ricky's LAST term in grad school. I like both of those things. I am so proud of my dear husband for plowing through his program with such rapidity and for doing so well.

This time of year tends to seduce many of us northwesters into over-zealous lounging and eating. When it (usually) starts to get cold and rainy and dark we sit around, eat cookies and watch reruns of our favorite tv shows. I personally tend to bake more and grow sedentary. If I'm going to put on extra weight, now is the time of year it will happen. Fortunately we are going to break up the monotonous weather with a trip to Hawaii (which I know I've mentioned once or five times) in December. Unfortunately I don't want to have put on my winter layer just in time to put on a bathing suit. So, I've taken up swimming. Swimming is exactly the low-impact, whole-body work-out I need. But I suck at swimming. Seriously, I was really self-conscious on the first day because I was convinced that the life guard was watching me more than other people because she thought I was going to drown. I don't really blame her. I feel like I look like a sloth that is just doing everything it can not to sink before it gets to the other side of the pool. Okay, maybe I'm not that bad but I'm definitely not related to Michael Phelps. Anyways, I've been swimming three days a week at the local pool for the past two weeks and I plan on keeping it up. It's difficult but I'm going to keep doing it. Check me out in 2.5 months, hopefully I won't look any fatter. ;)

New Toy

We bought a new toy last week, it's a camera. It's a fancy camera. We are super excited about being able to take great photos (once we learn how to use all the functions). Although our new toy was pricey, we are glad we will have it for our vacations in the upcoming year as well as all of the other exciting moments in our future lives.

This week we went all around Discovery Park, to Pike Place Market and the Vancouver, CA Aquarium to test drive the camera. Here are some of the photos we took, what do you think?